Small Bump
by Nigella00
Summary: After choosing Cry over his girlfriend Marzia, and losing his daughter through a miscarriage, Felix now has to face the harsh reality of being a dad. Pregnant Ryan has to survive assassination threats and his own insecurity's as well as keeping Pewds by his side. But Marzia's new boyfriend Marcus seems less friendly then they first believed. PewDieCry MarziaxOC
1. Chapter 1

It was a nightmare. Everything was falling apart at the seams. Like the doll of a small child, loved and worn for years, but now tossed away, and rotting. That was what his heart felt like. His head felt like. Hell, even his body felt like it. Felt like it was decaying, rotting, turning sour, and leaving nothing but darkness and mould behind.

He hadn't w_anted _this to happen. It had started out so _innocent. _

They'd just been talking. They always talked. They were really good friends, despite the pacific ocean. They were so close, despite the distance. So, when Pewdie had said that he wanted a holiday away to have some time to himself, without Marzia, some guy-to-guy time, Cry had taken up the hint, and told him he could come to Florida and they could go hang out.

It had been a big step for Cry. After all, he didn't want anybody to know where he, Ryan, lived, but he had given Felix his address. Also, he didn't want anyone to know what he looked like, but he'd agreed to join his friend in a hotel room nearby and for them to spend two leisurely weeks together having man time, bro time.

Not only would Felix know everything about him, but if any bros recognised him, he'd be in trouble. Luckily for him, Felix had said he'd tell his bros nothing about where he was going, and what he was doing, not even Marzia and his parents, to make sure they kept Ryan's identity as secret as they could.

For the first week, it had been fine.

Felix had reacted positively to seeing him. Said he was 'cute' or something like that, and Ryan had punched him for it, but his blond friend had taken it light-heartedly. They had to quickly rush out of the airport, though, because some people began to recognise PewDiePie. Luckily, they got to the hotel in the dark, and managed to get to their room safely.

At first, they lazed around in the hotel room doing co-ops for two days. Then when Monday came around, Ryan introduced Felix to his mother, step-father, his half-brother, and to his sister, her partner, and his little niece.

Felix had jokingly told him, "I thought you weren't responsible enough for babies."

He'd stupidly replied, "Things change. I think I could take care of one."

Why had he said that? Why? Why had he cursed himself?

On the Tuesday, they messed around the hotel room, and some of the staff even threatened to kick them out. Feeling sheepish, Ryan had apologized immensely, but Felix managed to weasel them out of it, as the hotel manager was a big fan of his, and he'd agreed to say hello to his daughter, who loved him.

By Wednesday, the two of them had gotten enough confidence to go swimming in the pool, and had messed around a lot. Felix got worried about getting a tan, but Ryan had managed to calm him by saying, "Maybe you're like me. Maybe you burn instead of tan." Explained why the other gamer was so pale.

On Thursday they did some shopping, Felix said he wanted to take some stuff for Marzia. And he'd also vlogged a lot that day, so Ryan had stayed in a nearby café for a few hours, until his friend came in, looking a little sheepish and apologising, but his friend had just laughed at him.

On Friday, Pewdie had decided that he wanted to go all the way down to the beach, so they had to stay in another hotel and return on Saturday, but he'd seemed to have had a lot of fun, so Ryan didn't feel that bad about the hole in his pocket from the cost of petrol. And then for the Saturday night, the Swede had said they should go out to a nightclub or something.

Worst. Decision. Ever.

In America, they didn't really get drunk. They sort of just had a good time, messed around a little, got a bit jolly, but never drunk. Getting drunk was for the Brits. They'd get hammered and throw up on the streets and stuff. Felix seemed a bit more… British inclined. He'd gotten absolutely drunk within an hour, and Ryan was trying his hardest not to, despite how much drunk gaming he did. Getting drunk was bad for him; he was only twenty-three.

And after Felix had gotten completely off-his-face, it had only been a matter of time before Ryan had joined him.

Somehow, they'd managed to get back to the hotel room, and things had just plunged downwards from there. Just thinking of it made Ryan's stomach knot tight with a sicky feeling. It had started off so _innocent. _So how could it of ended so _badly?_

Yes, he was drunk. But… that was no excuse! He was a straight male, and didn't have any feelings for his other friend, and vice versa. So they wouldn't just… do it! But they had. On fuck, they had. God damn it!

At first it had just been silly flirting before Felix had puked over the hotel balcony, and scared the life out of people in the swimming pool. Ryan had been laughing mockingly at him, and Felix had been getting more and more upset, and slightly aggressive, by the moment. Until, he told his brunet friend maybe he'd like to chuck his guts up everywhere, and have the taste of sick in his mouth, and kissed him fast and hard.

It had been disgusting. Ryan would give him that. He'd shoved his blond friend away and rinsed the vomit out of his mouth, and then Felix did the same, before Ryan managed to throw up all down the two of them. And they had just looked at each other, and laughed, and for some fucking reason, the American gamer had pulled the Swede down for another disgusting kiss.

The smell of vomit had become over-powering, so they'd stripped themselves of their clothes and thrown them into the bin. It was Felix who had suggested they get cleaned up in the shower, together, but it had still been him that had agreed to it, and gotten in there with him.

In the end, both of them were equally to blame for the events that happened after that.

Not that he could remember much of it.

Just that they'd been splashing each other, completely naked, in the shower, messing around and pushing and shoving and trying to get soap into the others eye. And then suddenly they'd been kissing and pressing up against each other. And then, somehow, he'd ended up pressed against the cool, cold wall, with Felix's hot, heaving chest against his back, and the hot water pouring down their neck.

And then just darkness.

So now, here he was, sitting in the bed, feeling like completely shit, with his Swedish friend fast asleep in the covers next to him. And it was the most horrible awakening he'd ever gotten, and he was so terrified all he could do was sit there, stare ahead of him with fearful eyes and hold his head, trying to think things through.

His body felt like stones. The hangover was pulsing in his head. His back was killing him, and his hips felt like ice and fire whenever he tried to move them. He didn't even want to look down, afraid of bruises he might see there. And, of course, the feeling of wanting to vomit. He'd never felt this bad in his entire life. In all his twenty-three years.

His mind was untangling by the second. He was having all these paranoid thoughts, jumping in, one after the other. Was he gay now? What would his parents think? Had he really just lost his virginity to his best friend? Did he really just have the most intimate moment of his life with PewDiePie? Had he really had sex? Gay sex? Gay drunk sex? In a hotel room? Was Pewdie going to hate him now? Was their relationship over? Would they ever be friends again? How was he going to react? What was he going to do? Was this it? Was this the end of everything?

But it was his heart that surprised him the most, and terrified him. It was so hurt. So badly hurt. And he knew exactly why. Because the worst and really come to worst. His heart was telling him a story he really couldn't bear to here right now. That he, Ryan, Cry, Cryaotic, a twenty-three year old, male, American gamer, who lived in Florida, under the same roof as his mother and his little half-brother, was in love with Felix, Pewds, Pewdie, PewDiePie, a Swedish gamer, who lived in Italy with his _girlfriend _Marzia, had no siblings, was twenty-three but probably younger than him, who was also male, and his heart had discovered this after having drunk sex in their hotel room, just like all those PewDieCry fans wished for.

Well, fuck.

And it was only Sunday. They had a whole week until Felix cou"ld go back home. God. Damn. It.

When Felix began stirring in the bed next to him, it took all of Ryan's power not to bolt for the bathroom. But he didn't want to move, 'cause his body just hurt so damn much, and if he did run for it, he knew he'd never, ever get this sorted out. And he _needed _to get this sorted out. This wasn't a joke. This wasn't funny. This wasn't-

"Cry?" Fuck! "Don't cry, Cry…"

Sniffing, Ryan felt himself beginning to tremble as he heard his Swedish friend try to comfort him as he sat up next to him in the bed, Ryan's bed. It was only seconds after he felt hot tears beginning to run down his face, and he shoulders were shaking painfully, waiting for him to begin sobbing like a complete idiot.

Cool, naked arms reached their way around him, and Cry's bright green eyes glanced up into the face of the man he thought he loved, and his face was so emotionless that Ryan's heart jumped into his throat and began to try and choke him. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

Something snapped. "No!" he said, shoving his friend away from him. "It's not going to be okay. You _fucked _me! _You _fucked _me_! _We fucked!_"

The Swede's face was twisting with all sorts of pain and Ryan began to feel a little bad. "I… I know… God damn it, Ryan, I know okay! But crying and yelling isn't going to get us anywhere," he insisted, calming his voice. "We just need to… think straight and figure this mess out."

Heh. Think straight. Ryan buried his messy head into his hands. "This isn't some sort of joke. We can't fix this. You're my _best friend_ and we slept together. This is going to _ruin _our relationship! And what about Marzia?" he watched his friends face twist in pain. "Remember why you're here, with me? You wanted to have some time away from your girlfriend, because she's pregnant, with your baby, and you don't know how to step up to the bat!"

"It's not like that!" Felix snapped at him. "I- I don't think I'm ready for a child. I came here to enjoy the last of my freedom, and spend time with you."

Sneering, Ryan asked, "Really? You sure you didn't come here because you weren't getting any from Marzia anymore?"

"Cry, stop it!" Felix snapped, tears beginning to brim in his eyes. "This is bad enough as it is, do you really need to make things worse?" Immediately, Ryan wanted to take back everything he'd said. "Look I… Yeah, you're right. I…I don't know if I'm ready to be a father. I'm scared. So I came to you, because you comfort me…" Damn it, well done Ryan.

"No, no," Ryan said, sighing. "I'm just being a dick. Sorry. This… this isn't your fault, I'm being mean…"

Smiling uneasily, the Swede said, "It's okay bro. Look. We were drunk. We had no idea what we were doing… so… so how about we just forget this whole thing ever happened? No…" he said, quickly afterwards, "it happened, and we can't forget it but… but let's put it in the past, and try to make the rest of this week really fun, okay?"

Seemed hard when Ryan thought he'd fallen in love with the other male. Instead of that, he said, "Bit hard when my ass is killing me…"

They laughed uneasily, before his friend looked concerned. "You gonna be okay?" he asked, the covers falling down slightly, and Felix didn't really know why he did it, but his fingers trailed across the delicate skin, down his friends rips and his and thighs, were blue and golden bruises were beginning to form, like those on an apple.

Ryan didn't flinch away from the touch because, as sour as the thought was, he knew he liked it.

And Felix didn't stop because, as much as he was too oblivious to notice it, he liked being intimate with his friend.

"I'll be fine, friend," he insisted, twiddling his fingers in his lap as his heart hammered against his chest.

There was a moment of hesitance. "Ryan?" The maybe older male hummed. "There's blood on the sheets…"

Sighing, the American nodded. "Yeah, I know there is…" he said, because it was warm and wet underneath him, and had been from the moment he woke up. "I know there is…"

For the rest of the day, Felix had decided to catch up on his sleep, though Ryan suspected he was feeling just as uneasy about the situation as he was. When Felix had gone back into his own bed, with clothes on, Ryan had gotten up and had a shower until the bleeding had stopped (and was secretly cursing his friend for his roughness and… largeness? Oh god! Had he really thought that?) he then cleaned the bed and its sheets, though the maids looked at him with knowing eyes, and had some breakfast and tea, before he gave up, became a nervous train-wreck, and called his sister.

Felix had woken up half-way through the phone-call, but Ryan hadn't realised. The Swede had felt like something was clenching his heart, trying to make it burst, when he'd listened to Ryan whispering down the phone to his sister, who seemed to be saying comforting things. His heart finally broke when Ryan's words became too entangled in sobs to make out, and he'd had to hang up on his sister.

He'd come up behind the shorter gamer, and wrapped his arms around his bruised waist. Both of them ignored the intimacy in the embrace as Pewdie whispered words of comfort into his friends hair, kissing lightly every now and again, and his friend just relaxed into the embrace until his panic subsided.

They shared some coffee, and spent the rest of the day lazing around the room, not bringing up the subject again, listening to music, and joking around.

The next week passed by in a sort of bliss. They both were still bothered by it. In the back of their heads. But neither one of them brought it up.

Ryan supposed he was so nervous because he had fallen in love with his friend.

Felix blamed it on feeling bad on cheating on Marzia when they were expecting a baby girl.

On Monday, they went to Disneyland and messed around in the theme park. The Swede had been glomping every character he could find, and asked Ryan to take photos. It had been a great day, because they had completely forgotten the affair. Bros recognised Pewds, and Ryan had offered to be the picture man, while trying his best to mask his voice. Luckily, he had a sore throat (yes, from screaming and crying) so it was easy for him.

On Tuesday, they came back to visit the studio, and Felix tried a hand at drawing. It was so horrible Ryan could barely stop laughing to catch his breath, and Felix had chased him around the studio for a bit, until the American had gotten dizzy and begged for forgiveness and breath.

On the Wednesday, they went to swim with dolphins. One of them was called Iggy, and was really playful and young, so they weren't allowed to swim with him, but swam with another dolphin, who looked pretty beat up. While Felix had said it was cool, Ryan was a bit more worried about the poor dolphin. They'd spent the day feeding some birds, and then went swimming in a salty little place with huge rays, some bigger than Pewds himself, but Ryan had almost stepped on one, and had ended up cutting up his food, so spent the rest of the day out of the water.

On Thursday, they went to Universal, and spent most of their time in Harry Potter world. Since they both had Pottermore, they both ended up getting full uniforms of their house. Felix was a Hufflepuff, and Cry was a Ravenclaw. They messed around for a bit, and bought wands, had butter-beer, then walked around the park like a bunch of idiots, taking photos with bros while Ryan lied and said his name was Simon.

On Friday, they went back to have a look at the studio, and there was a horrible roller-coaster that went upside down. Ryan had been forced on it by Felix but both of them came off scared to death, and refused to go on anything else scary, focusing instead on 3D rides and Marvel stuff.

For Saturday, they went to the dolphin park, and spent the day there. While Felix was still blissfully unaware, Ryan was far too alert that it had been a week since they'd done the nasty, and was too tense to enjoy the day. Which made Felix very worried. By Saturday night they both sat in their different beds, until Felix had head his friend crying again and had clambered in next to him, embracing his friend until the other had fallen asleep in the crook of his neck, and they woke up Sunday morning in Ryan's bed _again._

Before the airport, Felix had been invited to have lunch with Ryan's family. It had been good, because Ryan had gotten to spend time with his niece, and Felix had been playing really well with Nathan, the two of them laughing and rolling around in the grass. Nathan had said he wanted Felix to be part of the family, and that was when Ryan's sister had dragged him to the side to have a talk with him.

They drove to the airport in silence, but it was at the goodbye that the damn broke.

"We should do more co-ops when I get back," Felix insisted, smiling, and Ryan nodded, looking a little upset still. "Awww," his friend teased, "are you going to miss me?"

Ryan swallowed a little. "More than you know," he admitted, though regretted it soon after, because he finally saw the switch click in Felix's brain, and the playfulness drained out of his face.

The Swede stood there for a second, even though he was being called to board the plane. "Ryan I… I'm so sorry. I feel like such a jerk I… I didn't mean for this to happen…" he said, unable to convey his thoughts. _I didn't mean for you to fall in love with me._

Trying to keep back his tears, his friend shook his head. "Go. Before a hurricane kicks up or something and you have to stay here for an extra day," he joked, as lightly as he could, but didn't look very happy.

Felix just stood there for a while, before he suddenly moved forward and kissed Ryan on the lips.

This kiss was not disgusting. It was good. It was nice. It was… amazing. And it just made everything so much worse. Ryan felt the tears break free and he latched onto the neck of his friends t-shirt shakily, before they broke apart and he took a few steps back.

It hurt even more to see the blond looked like he regretted his action. And it hurt a lot when he saw tears beginning to brim in the blondes eyes again.

"Talk to you on Skype," Ryan just said, before he turned his back and legged it out of the airport and into his car, and slammed his head down onto his wheel, his horn honking through the air as Felix's plane took off, back to Sweden.

It had started out so _innocent. _

It had been a month since the… incident, and the two of them hadn't spoke at all. It was like Ryan's worst fear had come to life. And it hadn't been an easy month either. Ever since his friend had gone back to Sweden, Ryan had become very ill, and his whole family was beginning to get worried.

He was suffering from insomnia and bad nightmares. Also, he kept crying easily, or getting angry easily. And he kept getting stressed as well, over the smallest things, and was beginning to panic about everything. Despite the change in his nature and characteristics, and sleeping patterns, he'd also put on some weight, and kept throwing up. And bruising was appearing on his stomach. His diet had changed as well; he was beginning to eat unhealthily.

Ryan just blamed it on what had happened, at first. He was convinced his sleeping problems was because he was so worried about Pewds, and so were his eating habits, stress, and panic attacks. He was probably emotionally upset with his newly discovered feelings. The weight was also probably to do with the change in his diet. As for the vomit and bruising he was sure he just had a bug.

Although he'd thought this, his family had made him go to three blood-tests, but nothing had come back.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Ryan believed he was lovesick.

Almost a month without contact was pretty harsh on him, too. He hadn't wanted to message Pewdie, because he didn't really know what to say anymore, and he knew that that was probably the same reason he didn't have an inbox. And as for co-op games, nothing had come up, so that was probably why. He was missing Felix, but didn't know what to send to him without it being awkward. He was beginning to fear their relationship really was ruined.

He'd also stopped updating as much. Fans were beginning to get worried, but decided it was probably because he wanted to spend time with his niece and stuff. Ryan really loved his fans, and was glad they were so nice and understanding towards him.

Felix had been updating fine. But, before he'd uploaded the Florida vlog, he'd uploaded another concerning video. A _very _concerning video.

"**Hey bros. Um… just a quick update to let you know some stuff. I… It is kind of complicated. But me and Marzia have broken up…" **Ryan had almost snorted his coca-cola out of his nose in shock. He quickly got some clothes to clean it up, but continued to stare at his computer screen in shock. **"I know it's really not ideal, because Marzia's a third through her pregnancy but… we both wanted different things. Just to let you bros know we parted quite happily, we're still really good friends, and you guys will be seeing her, and little CutiePie when she's born. I ended the relationship because, well, my feelings for her changed, and I began getting feelings for someone else, and some stuff happened, it got very complicated. Hope you bros understand. Okay bros. Bye!" **

As soon as his friend had bro-fisted the camera, Ryan opened skype and immediately pulled him into a call. It didn't have to ring for very long before his friend picked up, sounding a little bit pissed, probably 'cause he was the middle of recording.

"Hold on a minute bros, Cry's calling me… Yeah Ryan?" he asked, signalling he'd probably turned the camera off and paused the game.

The words just came out of his mouth before he could control them. "What the fuck man?" he asked, and there was a moment of silence. "Why did you break up with Marzia? Seriously! You guys were so happy; you guys were having a family!" There was still some silence. "Felix?" he asked, worried.

There was a loud sigh on the other end of the call. "Ryan I… Did you watch all of the video?"

Finishing off his coca-cola, the other gamer said, "Yeah. It was only two minutes long."

The voice stuttered on the other end for a few minutes, before it began to get immediately angry. "I… I don't need this right now," the Swede insisted, his voice raising. "I'm really stressed, okay? I just broke up with my pregnant girlfriend; I don't know where I'm going to live, and my hearts a mess." Ryan knew the feeling. "I… I don't wanna talk to you about this right now."

"We can't hide the hatchet forever," Ryan insisted. "Felix I- Did you…" he trailed off, before gaining the confidence. "Did you break up with Marzia because of what happened in Florida?" he asked, "Because of… me?" He felt his heart clench painfully in his chest at the idea, but he needed to know.

There was silence.

"Felix?" Ryan asked, nervously.

The other man sighed. "I… I'll talk to you later…" he said, before he hung up and went off-line.

Ryan wanted to curse and kick and scream and strangle his friend, but he was interrupted by the need to vomit, and quickly rushed toward the bathroom to hurl up his guts and sit near the toilet wanting to sob.

After a few minutes of thinking back over the video, and what his friend had said, Ryan felt tears begin to prick in the corners of his eyes, before he noticed a familiar face in the doorway, and smiled weakly as his sister came and kneeled down next to him. He looked at her tiredly, and she looked concerned.

"I saw the video Pewds put up," she said, not sounding very happy, "and heard your call."

Smiling weakly, Ryan said, "Stop stalking me. And stop being angry with Felix, it isn't his fault…" he insisted, watching his sister disagree just from her facial actions. "Seriously. This is all one big mistake, and neither of us know what to do. Don't blame him for it…"

Sighing, she said, "It's… different Ryan. I… Want to know what I think?"

Tilting his head to the side as he sister got a clothe and began cleaning his face like he was a child, the young man asked, "What?"

He'd thought she was going to say something about how Felix was stringing him along, or didn't return his feelings, or something like that. Instead, she threw the clothe into the sink, and her cool, green eyes met her brothers jade eyes in a fiery gaze. "I think Felix gave you a sexual transmitted disease."

Ryan sat up so fast his head hit the wall. "What!?"

"I'm being serious," she said, glaring at him. "Ever since the two of you had sex, you've been really ill. I think you need to go and see a doctor. And if you do have it, you should tell him. Because that means he might have it, and that means Marzia might have it, and that could mean that his baby daughter is going to be in serious danger. I wouldn't want anything to happen to my little girl. Okay?"

Swallowing some water from a glass he'd been handed, Ryan laughed uneasily and said, "I don't have a STD. Trust me, that isn't my problem. That's not why I'm sick." He finished the cup uneasily, staring at his sister, daring her to press on.

She took up the dare. This was the woman who had sent him to hospital after hitting him over the head with a burning frying pan, after all. "Then why do you think you're so ill?"

The American gamer sighed. "I… I think I'm lovesick, that's all…"

Taking his hands in hers, his sister held them tightly. "I hope your right…" she said, kissing his forehead. "I hope your right…"

Even after the conversation had ended, and night had fallen, and his sister had gone back home, Ryan couldn't stop thinking about it. It was worrying him badly, because he knew it would break Felix's heart if anything happened to his baby. Maybe he should get checked, just in case?

No. No, what was the point?

He didn't have one. He was sure. It was just a bug, and some love-sickness. Nothing more, nothing less.

Ryan told himself this for another week, but when the vomiting didn't stop, and his ankles and back began to ache, he began to get really concerned. He decided to leave it another week before contacting his friend, though. It was probably just that the virus was finally working his way out of his system. But, although most of his symptoms had died down at the end of the second week, something terrible had happened that had caused him to end up calling his friend after all.

He woken up in the middle of the night with a dry throat, and gone to get a drink, when his stomach began to cramp. At first, he laid on his bed, and rubbed his lower back, but the cramps just began to get worse. He took some painkillers, and heated up a bag, but they weren't helping at all, and the pain just kept getting worse and worse.

Eventually, Ryan had decided to feel around his stomach.

And his blood had turned to ice.

He felt around his stomach, but there was no denying it. There was a hard, solid lump in his abdomen, and when he looked down, it was slightly bumped. Ryan had never been so scared in his life, and sat there, frozen for a few minutes, before diving for a phone. Who should he call? Who should he call?

He wanted to call his sister, but before he could, he saw Felix's name in his phonebook, and dialled before he had a chance to think twice. He clutched the mobile to his ear, and held on for dear life, listening to it ring. For one heart-crunching moment, he thought that his friend wasn't going to pick up, but eventually he did.

"Ryan? What're you doing calling me? It's like… six in the morning! Its midnight over there, right? What are you doing up?" he asked, and Ryan was so relieved that this wasn't the angry, defensive Pewds he'd invisioned.

"I…" he trailed off, thinking for a second. "I… I need your help, this is really important."

There was a creaking sound, indicating the Swede was probably sitting up in bed. "I'm listening," he told Ryan, through the phone, but he still sounded like he was waking up.

Oh well. He couldn't wait any longer. "I… Ever since that night, I've been really, really sick. My whole family has been really worried, but my sisters the only one that knows… anything. And… and she thinks I might have an STD. You know what those are, right?"

There was a note of seriousness in his friends voice. "Yeah… Go on…"

"Well, if I have an STD, and the only person I've ever had sex with is you then… then you might have an STD too. And if you have one, Marzia might have one. And… if Marzia had one… well… STD's can be really bad in pregnancy, right? Can't they sometimes cause miscarriages, disabilities and stuff? With aids, can't the baby be born with it?" he asked, though he immediately stopped when he realised he was rambling and probably worrying his friend.

The other began cursing down the friend. "Oh fuck… oh shit… Damn it! Ryan, what am I going to do?"

Sighing, the brunet shook his head, but then realised Pewds wouldn't be able to see him. Instead, he said, "I don't know. I- I didn't think it was an STD, I just thought I was love- that I was just sick but… but then I began to think it was. But now… now I don't think it's that at all…" he sobbed at the end.

"Ryan?" his blond friend asked, sounding worried, "Ryan what's wrong?"

Sniffing, the gamer said, "My stomach was cramping, so I felt around and… and there's some sort of solid lump in there. I don't think I have an STD at all. I… I… Felix, I think I'm going to die. I think I'm doing. I think I have cancer. Oh fuck, oh fuck help me… What do I do? What do I do?"

Wasn't prostate cancer the most common cancer in men? And… he had had gay sex with Felix. So… was it possible… it was that?

On the other end of the phone, Felix sounded just as worried, "Ryan… Ryan I… No, Ryan. You can't die on me. You can't!" he insisted, before murmuring, "Sorry…sorry… Alright, look." Ryan stopped crying and sniffed, showing he was listening. "I'll go to the doctors; I'll book an appointment now, and say I want to check for an STD. Okay? And then you can go to the doctors, and get that lump checked out? Call the ambulance right now. I'll stay here with you."

"Promise?" Ryan heard himself asking.

There was a fond chuckle on the other end of the phone. "I promise."

While staying on the phone to Felix, Ryan picked up the landline and dialled 911, listening to it ring until a nice sounding lady answered on the other end of the phone. How could people be this cheerful so late? He explained what was going on, that he had a suspicious, solid lump in his stomach, and the lady asked for his address, telling him an ambulance would be there soon.

"Will you stay on the phone with me?" he asked, nervously, as he placed the phone back into its holder, feeling like the whole world was coming crashing down around him.

"I have to go to the doctors," Felix explained, and listened to his friend whimper, "but, I'll call you back as soon as I get out of there, and we can waste all my credits talking about whatever you want, okay? And if… if its cancer, or anything like that, I'll fly out there and be with you, okay? I'll be with you until you recover."

Although hanging up was hard, Ryan felt a lot better about what had happened. The ambulance appeared half-an-hour later and he was rushed off, though luckily he didn't disturb his family. He struggled through blood-tests and people touching his stomach.

Eventually, Felix called him again. "Hey," he said, sounding far from happy. "Well, I have been touched in ways I do not to be touched ever again," he said, jokingly down the phone. "What about you?"

Ryan felt a lot better now that he was on the phone with Felix, and after the doctors had said that his white blood count was fine, and that the lump in his stomach didn't feel like a tumour. "They don't think it's cancer, or anything like that. But they're going to take me in for an ultra-scan. I'll talk to you have this."

Humming, the Swede said, "Make sure to call me back when you find something out."

They hung up without a goodbye, and Ryan walked through into the room, where a nice doctor told him to lie down on the bed. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't nice either, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something was very, very wrong here, as the team of doctors and nurses he was working with were already exchanging disbelieving glances.

He had a feeling that they suspected something, but didn't want to tell him, so he just shook the doctors hands and asked, "What does it feel like? My sister had them during her pregnant, she said they were cold…" It was two a.m., he hadn't gotten much sleep, okay?

The doctor laughed a little at him as he put on some gloves and got some of the gel stuff. "That's all that if feels like. Cold. Maybe a bit slime-y. I wouldn't worry about it too much though," he said, as he put a dollop on the gamer's stomach, who tried to muffle a squeal. "Are you still comfortable?" he asked, as he smeared the young mans stomach.

"Uh-huh…" Ryan said, though he was getting more and more nervous by the second.

"I'm going to need to ask you a few questions," the doctor said, and Ryan nodded with understanding. "Some of them may seem a bit… personal, but we're going to need you to answer them. I think we should get down to the main question. Are you in an intimate gay relationship?"

Immediately, Ryan felt the tips of his ears begin to burn red as if they had been lit with a match. "What? No! No."

The doctor and a nurse who was writing down notes exchanged a glance. "Well… have you been sexually active with a man in the last month to two months?"

Right now the American gamer wanted to drag himself into a hole and die. As his face burned with embarrassment, and a few of the nurses giggled, he nodded and said, "Yeah…" The doctor pressed on a bit for information. "It was… it was a one-night thing. We were both drunk. It happened… a month and two weeks ago now. We didn't use contraception. He's… he's a good friend of mine…" Ryan admitted, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him.

The doctor nodded thoughtfully. "Have you been vomiting? Being un-like yourself?" The gamer nodded. "And you noticed putting on weight?" He nodded again. "Alright. Have you been taking any drugs, drinking or doing any extreme physical activity since you had sex?" Ryan shook his head no and the doctors nodded thoughtfully. "Alright then. I think we have our answer, but I'm going to show you anyway so that you can believe me."

Nodding, Ryan said, "Okay…" _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I have some sort of STD that's going to kill me! _The doctor began emitting sound-waves over the young mans belly, and an image began to appear. "My sisters ultra-sound pictures looked a bit like that…" Ryan said, thoughtfully. If he didn't know better, he would say he could even make out a baby.

The nurse came around and smiled at him gently. She pointed to the screen. "Do you see this circle, here? Okay. And then this line down here, and then you can sort of make up all these things held here? Well…" she took a deep breath," that circle, there, is your baby's head. That's its back. And this is its hands and feet."

Ryan stared at the screen for a minute. "Y-You're joking me…"

"I'm afraid not," the doctor said. "From the looks of our tests, there seems to be some sort of genetic mutation in your chromosomes, which we think has caused you to have a uterus inside of you. However, we think your testosterone has prevented you from ovulating, hence why you never would have had… periods should we say? Probably why this hasn't been picked up on. Your oestrogen levels aren't high but… they're high enough for you to be able to concern."

"Oh my god…" Ryan said, his hands beginning to shake.

The doctor continued. "We believe that when you had anal sex, the sperm entered an entrance to the uterus and managed to fertilize an egg. Your mood swings were probably an increase of oestrogen to allow the egg to settle into the walls of the uterus, and begin to develop. Your illness would have been morning sickness, and that hard lump. That's your baby."

While Ryan struggled to take all this in, the nurse beamed, "We believe you're about six weeks along. In twelve weeks' time, your baby will have a heart-beat! You should come back for another ultra-sound then."

"And," the doctor added, gaining Ryan's attention, "you should let your friend know that you are pregnant with his child."

Eventually, Ryan caught up with things, and automatically snapped, "No! No, no, no, no! This cannot be happening. I'm straight. Completely straight. And I'm a male! I can't carry a child!" he insisted, and the doctors looked pitiful. "Not only that but… my friend and I aren't in a relationship! And we're both men! This child's going to have a broken family, and two dads? Plus, I can't have a baby! I'm… I'm dedicated to my job! I'm twenty-three I… I'm not responsible enough. And neither is F- Neither is he. He lives across the ocean!" he shouted, "he's… his ex-girlfriends going to have a baby in six months! He broke up with her because he couldn't even handle having a normal family relationship!"

The nurses handed him a glass of water, and he drunk it shakily, while the doctor said, "I'm… sorry but there's not much else we can do. We won't release this information to the public. But this is a rare condition, and for the sake of your life and the child's life, we're going to need to monitor you a lot." The doctor cleaned Ryan's stomach and took off his gloves. "I'm sure you can cope."

"Take it out…" Ryan said. "I want it _out." _Although one part of Ryan couldn't believe he was asking to abort an innocent life, this main part of him, that was screaming and panicking, had taken over.

But the doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid that's impossible," he said. "Only a woman can apply for an abortion, if we were to give you one, it would illegal. Also, since you aren't a woman, we wouldn't know _how _to abort it. I'm afraid getting rid of the child isn't an option. But if you want we can sign you up for adoption…"

Finishing the water, Ryan said, "I… I'll think about it…"

The nurses then began to pack up, but took down his number and told him to call them personally if anything happened, as this was a rare case and needed to be monitored for the sake of his life and for the baby, and also told him they would be calling him sometimes to check up. They reminded him not to rush into any decisions before talking to the father of the baby first, and seeing what he wanted to happen.

It was 5 a.m. by the time he got outside, but he called Felix, as promised. Wasn't like he was going to be able to get any sleep now, anyway…

"Hello?" the chirpy Swede asked, sounding curious. "So? How did it go? What did you find out?"

Not knowing how else to say it, or how else to come out with it, Ryan waited outside for his mother to come pick him up from the hospital. He hadn't even told her what had happened. He wanted Felix to be the first to know. It was _their _baby after all. "I'm pregnant," he said, and the words hung in the cold, dark air for a good long time.

Felix sounded a little angry, "Cry, that's not funny, I'm really worried here."

"I know it's not funny!" Ryan snapped, feeling himself begin to tear up again. "But it's true! I have some… some sort of genetic defect in my chromosomes, which means I have a uterus attached to my ass or something like that. And girly hormones that meant that when your came inside of me, I got knocked up! And now I'm six weeks pregnant!" He took a shaky breath. "The vomiting is morning sickness, the mood swings is my hormones changing, and the lump is… the lump is the baby…"

There was a moment of hesitance. "Ryan… I… I can't…"

Suddenly, Ryan didn't want to talk to Felix anymore, as he saw his mother's car pull up. "Don't fucking believe me. I don't care! It's not like it matters anyway. Let's just admit it. We made a mistake. We fucked up. Our friendship is ruined, and there's nothing we can do to try and fix it. Its over between us, isn't it?" he snapped, as his mother got out of the car. "Well, you know what Felix? I love you. Happy? Are you happy now? And guess what Felix, we had sex, and now I'm pregnant, with your baby, just like Marzia. And you can be a coward and run away from your responsibility again, because it doesn't matter!"

"Ryan!"

"No!" he shouted, feeling the tears begin to break free. "I told you. It doesn't matter anymore. Everything's done. I'm done. I can't… I can't do this anymore! Don't bother calling, because I'm not going to answer. And don't bother worrying about your child. Because I'm going to get this fucking thing out of me, one way or another. I don't want anything to do with it or you. I'm sick and tired and I… I give up…"

As soon as Ryan felt himself shatter, Felix was triyng to grasp him. "Ryan? Ryan, please, listen to me-"

His mother reached his side. "Bye," he said, hanging up, and then was pulled into a loving embrace, where he sobbed against his mother, who cried because he was crying, and had no idea why he was at the hospital.

Ryan told her everything in the car on the way back. And when he got home, he told his sister, his step-father, and Nathan, and they all sat down and got him some hot chocolate and a blanket and managed to calm him down. During their talk, Felix kept trying to call him, but he took the battery out of his phone. By the end of the talk, Ryan felt a lot better, and rested his hand on his swollen abdomen.

Somehow, his sister had managed to convince him not to try an abort the baby. It could've been because she had her daughter with her, and had let Ryan hold her even while sobbing and crying, and she'd managed to comfort him the best of all. Ironically enough, somehow, at the end of their large, family talk, Ryan had managed to regret everything he'd said about the baby, and Felix.

He found he loved them both a lot, and was angry at himself for the things he had said.

But he'd been sent up to bed and had fallen asleep easily.

For the next two weeks, Ryan neglected his Youtube channel. Fans were beginning to get worried. He'd gotten over five-thousand calls from Felix, and more than a thousand text messages. He'd ignored calls on skype and messages, and PM's over Youtube. He'd called the house a few times, but his mother had always hung up on him.

Eventually, though, Felix found a way.

Everyone else had left the house, and Ryan was the only one there. He'd spent the last two weeks begin angry at himself, and pitying himself, while reading about pregnancy, and trying to come to terms with having something inside of him. It still hadn't quite sunk in yet. He'd just been pondering about whether or not to go and get some exercise when the doorbell run.

Rolling his eyes, he padded out of the front-room toward the door, and opened it, "Nathan, what have I told you about your ke- Felix?" Ryan tried to slam the door into his Swedish friends face, but Felix pushed through the door and closed it behind him. "W-What are you doing here?"

"I told you I'd come over, didn't I? Throughout your recovery. So, I'm going to be here throughout your pregnancy, seeing as you won't pick up my calls, or answer my texts," he scolded, lightly, though he was smiling a little. "Ryan? Are you mad?"

Sighing, the other shook his head, but felt himself shaking, and then he was pulled into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around his friend's neck and held him as tightly as he could. "I thought you would be mad at me…"

His friend chuckled into his hair as they swayed a little. "No. I was so… so worried. I… I thought you were going to commit suicide or something. When you said you'd given up… I got so scared I was crying, so I got the nearest flight I could, and came over. And I… and thought you were going to… get rid of our baby…" Ryan could hear tears in his friend's voice.

Shaking his head, he said, "No… No I could never do any of those things. I'm… sorry for what I said on the phone. I just… I was just so shocked and angry and confused…" He held on tighter, and felt his friend pull him closer. "I thought you'd hate me for loving you…"

Another nervous laugh. "I guess the fans are right, we really are gay…"

"We?" Ryan asked, pulling away to look into his friends bloodshot eyes.

The Swede smiled goofily, and nodded. "Yeah. _We. _I love you too, Ryan. I said so in that video, didn't I? I couldn't stay with Marzia anymore, because it felt wrong. Because I… Because I loved you. I thought you knew that…" he whispered, "I… heh… I thought you were rejecting me."

Chuckling, the brunet said, "God, we're idiots," as his face was cupped gently.

"Yeah…" Pewds said, as he leaned down to capture another amazing kiss. "Yeah we're that too."

And suddenly, it was like everything he was worried about washed away. Everything was better. It didn't matter they'd had sex, or that he loved Felix, because in the end he loved him too, and now it was looking like this was the start of something special. As for the pregnancy, though…

Ryan lead Felix into the kitchen, then made them both a cup of tea and they sat on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder, with one of their hands intertwined with one of the other. They drunk in silence for a minute, before the silence was broken.

"About the baby…" Felix said, and took a breath. "I… I know I told Marzia I wasn't ready… but I still intend to be there for my baby girl. And… And I want to give a happy family another shot, another go. I want us to be together, forever, and live in a little house somewhere, with a little room for the baby, and to really make this work. And we can meet up with Marzia, and your baby and her baby are gonna be the best half-siblings ever, just like you and Nathan."

It was so perfect, Ryan began crying out of happiness, and Felix began to panic. "No, no!" Ryan insisted, laughing, when Felix tried to comfort him. "I'm crying because I'm so relived. I… I thought I was going to have to do this whole thing alone, and then give it up for adoption or something, so that it could be happy. I… Everything's so perfect now."

Everything that had been troubling him had been fixed.

They talked about the pregnancy for a little while longer, and Ryan explained what the hospital had said, but Felix seemed to understand. Eventually, they began to push the topic on a little bit more.

"Look," Felix said, lowering his cup, "this is just a suggestion but… Maybe you should move out? Not now but… before the baby's born. I have money, you have money, and I'm buying a nice, large house, with a large back garden, and a swimming pool, four bedrooms, four bathrooms, plenty of living space. I'm going to live here now. Would you… would you move in with me? We could decorate a nusery, make it child friendly, get some pets…" The blonds face was getting redder and redder.

Ryan thought about it for a second. "I love my family a lot but… it's not suitable to bring up a child here, is it? You're right. I should move out. I… I'd love to move in with you."

The Swedish gamer's face lit up and he laughed nervously, kissing Ryan on the temple. "Thank you…" he whispered. "And I… I have another question…" he fiddled nervously. "If you're moving in, and we're going to have a baby together, and we're going to be intimate, we can't really be friends, can we? So would you… go out with me?"

At first, the American was stunned, but then he pulled the Swede in for a quick kiss. "I thought you'd never ask," he chuckled, and the sighed contently.

They relaxed against each other, and Felix's hand dropped to Ryan's stomach, nervously touching the bare skin. "M-May I?" Ryan just nodded lazily, relaxing his head of Felix's shoulder, then smiling as the warm hand began to caress his stomach. "Wow…" he whispered. "I never wanted to touch Marzia after she got pregnant, I was worried I might hurt her. But this is… this is amazing…"

Flickering his eyes open, Ryan looked up at his friend, whose eyes were sparkling with tears. "Pewds?"

The bright blue eyes focused on him. "This… This is our baby, Ryan. _Our baby. _My little baby, inside of you, and I'm so close to him… I didn't feel like this with Marzia. I don't know why but… I promise you, little guy. I'm going to be a really good daddy."

Ryan didn't quite understand it, but something about Felix's actions triggered something in him, and it finally clicked. That his child was growing inside him. That he and Felix were going to have a baby, going to live in a nice house nearby with a pool and get some pets and have a child together, and live happily ever after.

At long last, Ryan finally got it.

And the moment was ruined when a car pulled up on the driveway.

"Shit," Ryan said, and Felix looked at him in confusion. "In case you haven't noticed, my parents don't like you that much at the moment…" Felix paled around the edges. "Don't worry, I'll handle this, they don't know that you've been worrying and looking into all this stuff…" before he could finish his sentence, Nathan came into the room, and stopped dead.

At first, Ryan was scared of what would happen, but then Nathan just launched himself across the room and gave his boyfriend a huge hug. "Can we go outside and play soccer?" Nathan asked as his parents came in and dropped their shopping in shock.

Felix looked for Ryan for help. "Yeah, go play soccer. And by soccer, he means football." The Swede made a noise of understanding, before Nathan dragged him out into the garden. His mother looked at him in shock. "Welcome home. Okay, before you say anything, let me explain…"

It took about ten minutes. By the end of it, his mother was already taking over, planning when he'd move, how they'd decorate the baby's room, and even gone so far as to say she would be planning their wedding.

"Mom!" Ryan complained, just as Felix popped back into the room.

He looked a little awkward. "Um… the ball went into the pool and… Nathan kind of jumped in after it, and now he's all wet. Is he allowed back in the house?"

His mother glanced between the two of them. "Why do you and Ryan and Nathan just all hang outside and relax for a bit until he dries off. It's a hot day outside, and Ryan could use the fresh air…"

More than willing to escape his mother's company, Ryan darted towards Felix and grabbed his hand, tugging him into the garden before his mother could say anything else embarrassing. They escaped outside, where Nathan and the dog were messing around in the swimming pool, so the two of them just crashed in the grass and decided to stare up at the clouds for a few moments.

"What did she say?" Felix asked, nervously, while still holding onto Ryans hands tightly.

The other gamer smiled. "Not much. But she's happy for us."

Sighing, the gamer said, "Good…" relieved nobody was angry at him.

Ryan chuckled. "Don't think you're safe yet," he said, gaining a worried glance. "Mom is really easy. My sister, on the other hand? Well. She's really protective. I don't think she's going to trust you as easily…" he admitted, before pointing up at a cloud that looked a bit like a rabbit.

Sighing, the Swede said, "Oh well. I don't need to convince anyone. I love you. And that's all you need to know. And that I'm going to stick around. I promise. Have I ever broken a promise to you?" Ryan thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "See? Nothing to worry about…" They lay in silence for a few minutes. "Ryan?"

"Yeah?" he asked, lazily, drifting asleep in the warm, soft grass.

"Wake up," Felix chuckled, and Ryan rolled over to snuggled into him, the two of them sighing contently. "Isn't your birthday in July? Or is it June? Wait no… its July the… fourteenth? No. The sixteenth." Ryan chuckled. "Well… anyway, your… eight weeks along now, right? Two months. I was just thinking, in another month, you're going to be twenty-four. So… somewhere around your twenty-forth birthday, our baby's going to get its heart-beat…"

Ryan thought about it for a moment. "Yeah… Yeah it is…And then when I'm six months along, I'll be twenty-four weeks. A baby can be born at twenty-four weeks, and survive. So by the time you're twenty-four, our baby will be strong enough to survive…" They both contemplated the idea for a few moments.

Suddenly, Felix laughed. "Imagine if the baby was born in October too? On the 24th. We'd share the same birthday, and it'd be twenty-four weeks old, so it could survive…" he whispered, smiling. "Nah. I'd much rather the baby was born three months later. In January. Healthy. Have you been given a due date yet?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. Anywhere between the beginning and end of January, I think it is. 'Cause it can be two weeks either way," he explained, and Felix nodded.

"Yeah…" he said. "Marzia's due in November, I think. She's two months before you. Or is she due in October?"

Ryan laughed. "So you might have a baby who shares your birthday after all."

Humming contently, Felix said, "Maybe… But the doctors have been really worried about her. Something about them not being able to find the heart-beat, and it not growing enough. They also said something about there not being enough fluid around the baby. I think they've taken her into hospital now, they're so concerned…"

Tightening his hands around his own pregnant stomach, the brunet said, "Oh. I hope she gets better soon…"

His Swedish boyfriend sighed, staring up into the clouds. "Yeah… Yeah, I hope she does too. I'm… I'm really worried. I don't want anything bad to happen to my baby- ahhhh! No! Bad dog!" Felix laughed as Ryan's dog shook water over them. "Why do you have such a big dog?"

"He's a bit different from Maya, isn't he?" Ryan chuckled. "Be thankful the cat isn't out here, she'll curl up and fall asleep on your face. She doesn't that to me in the middle of the night sometimes…" he chuckled.

"Speaking of night," Felix said. "I've purchased the house, but the owners haven't moved out yet. I know it's a lot to ask, especially after what's happened, but can I stay here?"

Snugging into Felix's side, Ryan said, "Of course."


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan was so furious with himself for deluding himself. _Lying _to himself. For one, perfect moment he'd expected everything was going to be alright. Sure things didn't fit like a puzzle, but this was life, not some seven-year-old girl's fairy-tale. It could've worked and there would've been no hard feelings. He'd found innocence again. But it had just come back to mock him. And then it had slid through his fingers like fucking sand!

Was it ironic he'd been imagining happiness inside of his head? Or a coincidence? He sometimes got the two confused.

It would've been so beautiful. He could picture it, happily. Him, and Felix, sitting in the garden of that large house they'd managed to purchase, the sun beating down at them, the summer high and the breeze refreshing. With a BBQ on, and family over. And, playing in the garden, with a couple of dogs, rolling in the grass, two children. Two _beautiful _children.

One of them was a young girl. She was young, probably only around nine years old. Her eyes were deep, soft brown, and her long hair was the colour of light wood, long, but surprisingly thin, like her fathers. Her skin was the colour of ice. It made her eyes look even brighter. She was wearing a plain, yellow dress, with some bright green tights on underneath, and red shoes, and she was kicking a ball two and fro with her best friend in the whole wide world.

Her brother. He looked much more like their father. He had bright, alive blue eyes, and wild, blond hair. Hell, he even had Felix's features. Only difference was that he was, really, quite short, and his skin was a little bit darker, with brown freckles all over it. He was long and lean and small looking, but this made him quick and fun to play with. He was wearing a shirt and some jeans, and some trainers. Casual. And covered in mud.

Only difference between the siblings was that one of them was his son, and the other one was Marzia's daughter.

Leaning over the table, the woman in question hinted towards her ex-boyfriend on when he was going to propose to Ryan, who flustered. Marzia just gave him a knowing look- because she and him had become good friends, and she knew what he wanted. While he held Felix's hand tight under the table, the kids hugged.

His son asked, "Will we be together forever?"

His half-sister worried at his sad voice. "Of course. We'll get married!"

"Not so fast there, kiddo," Ryan laughed, "you don't marry your sister."

"But I love her!" his son said, and the adults just laughed. Kids didn't understand marriage.

Marzia said, "I'm sure you do. Who doesn't, right Felix?"

But that garden scene was just a phase. It'd been filling his head for the past two weeks as he got more and more eager to listen to his baby's heart-beat. During that time, he and Felix had moved into the house, and it was so large and empty. They'd piled it with furniture, and they'd bought a puppy, and Felix had even began working on the nursery, when the bricks that Ryan had been placing so neatly became loose and crumbled all around them.

Of course, Ryan had always known Marzia wasn't doing so good. But… but he hadn't expected things to end up like this.

For the two weeks, Felix had endlessly been on the phone. To her. To Marzia. She knew the situation and, surprisingly, she wasn't that bothered. She just seemed to be worried about their daughter. Although seeming worried, Felix had always just gone 'check ups'. But then one day he'd left his mobile lying around when she'd called, and Ryan had ended up having to answer it, very worried himself. He now knew what he felt like to be pregnant. And it was making him nervous.

"Felix?" Marzia asked, in the kind of adorable way that she did. Hell, Ryan even felt a little tug at the corner of his lips.

"No," he said, quickly, not wanting Marzia to tell him anything personal, "it's me. Ryan. Felix is working upstairs right now, want me to go get him for you?"

He listened for a little while. Then Marzia said, "No. Can I just talk to you?" She didn't exactly wait for an answer. "Felix probably hasn't told you that much. And when I try to talk to him he's just so… urgh. Anyway. I… I just need a friend to talk to." Ryan just hesitated for her. "The baby… I'm scared. It's not looking good. Something's going really wrong with the fluid, and… there's no growth or heart-beat. They… They think she's dead but… but don't wanna take her out just in case…"

Ryan looked at this as if it were a video game. As if he had options.

Hang up. Go get Felix. Say nothing. Be serious. Don't believe her. Get upset. I don't care. Get angry.

He just went with whatever was easiest for him at that time. "I… I… oh God, Marzia no… You don't deserve this. Either of you. And the baby… That beautiful baby. I… I'm sorry, but I'm not the emotional support that you need. I'm going to get Felix, hang on a second…"

In the end, when he asked his boyfriend about it, he just looked at him sadly as he turned off his mobile after the long conversation. He'd said his same 'don't worry 'bout it Cry' but somehow, Ryan couldn't help but worry.

Was that baby really dead?

At the end of the two weeks, they'd gotten their answer. It had been midnight, and the two of them had been in their bed when the phone rang. Pewds was too tired to roll over and get it, so in the end it had been Cry that had gotten out of the warmth and fetched the land line, but he'd rushed back to bed with it before he'd answered it. The screaming was so loud in the silence, and his boyfriend was awake in seconds, snatching the familiar founding voice from his hand, and clutching onto it like dear life.

"Marzia?" the Swede asked. "Marzia. Its okay… What's going on? What? Okay, don't worry, I'll be there… No! Marzia she is not going to die! I told you I'll be there!" The phone was tossed away and Felix just turned to say, "We're leaving. Get changed. Now."

Ryan stared at him in shock. "Wh-"

The blond was already dressed and storming out of the room. "Now!"

His boyfriend hurried after him as fast as he could. "What the- Felix, what's going on? Why are you making me get up? Where are we going?" he poured out the questions as a coat was thrown out him and he was lead out of the house and into a car. "Where do you think you're driving us?!"

He was just glared at to put on his seat-belt, and they pulled out of the drive before Felix said anything. "We're driving to the airport to go to Italy. You're coming with me." Ryan just stared at him in horror. "Marzia… she's having a miscarriage. I- I gotta be there. And… I need you…" the last bit was said so weakly all anger in Ryan evaporated.

"Do you even have plane tickets?" he asked.

"No," Felix said, not even bothering to look at him, "but I have money."

It was long and tiring and stressful, and Ryan had almost hated Felix for doing that to him. He was sitting there in a chair for the longest time just staring at the floor. It was a fucking joke! For the longest time he'd actually thought 'hey, you know what? This is gonna be okay!' but no! It wasn't! It wasn't going to be okay! All this… all this was going to be burned and thrown away and _spat on. _It was… a joke…

While he became a tight panic ball, Felix became some aggressive freak. Eventually, they'd managed to land a plane. One with a long flight and uncomfortable chairs and damn, Ryan was beginning to hate Felix more and more as the other began to take things out on him, until Ryan had just ended up snapping and locked himself away in the plane toilet until the flight attendets coax him out of there.

When he'd gone back to the chair, luckily, Felix seemed a lot calmer.

As soon as he'd sat down, the other had embraced him carefully and rubbed his back, resting his free hand on Ryan's swollen stomach. "You okay?" he whispered into the others hair while he kissed his temple softly. "I'm… I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm ashamed of myself, I… I don't know what came over me."

He was pecked carefully on the lips and hugged around the neck. Ryan felt tears beginning to well up. "It's okay. You're away from your daughter when she needs you the most. It's just… I'm just worried this stress isn't going to do me any good either, you know?"

Felix looked down at Ryan a little horrified. "You okay? You feeling okay?"

The other nodded. "I'm feeling fine…" he'd whispered, and managed to fall asleep on Felix's shoulder.

Now, though. Now all that seemed like nothing. As soon as they'd walked through the hospital doors, everything had gone to shit. Ryan was terrified by everything, the smell, the people, the atmosphere, and Felix had become some sort of unpredictable train-wreck as they were told by staff the news.

Marzia had had a late, unfortunate miscarriage due to the lack of fluids. The baby had probably died around a month to two months ago, when they stopped sensing the heart-beat and monitored growth showed no improvement. Now, the baby had been rejected from the womb. There was no chance of survival even if the baby was alive. Luckily, Marzia had been treated and was recovering well, and there should be no long-term effects on her- not even mentally. The miscarriage could've happened to anyone- and people recover from miscarriages easily.

Felix had looked like he wanted to disagree. After all, it wasn't only Marzia who was losing a child. That foetus had been his too. But Ryan liked to think that people got over miscarriages. His mother had had some, and she'd told him that it didn't feel like 'losing a child' it just kind of felt like 'it wasn't time yet'. Or something like that.

They'd be taken to her room, where it was just her, and them, and man was it awkward.

She'd smiled a small smile when she'd seen them come in, and put down her magazine. Felix went straight to her side, but Ryan moved over to look outside the window, trying to hide in the shadows, or maybe he was lucky and his clothes could morph him into the wall or something. Nope. No such luck.

"Hey," she said, looking between the two of them as Felix pulled up a seat. "I can't believe you flew all the way out here for a silly miscarriage." She sniffled a little but seemed to be taking it well.

Felix on the other hand? Not so much. "Just a miscarriage? Our daughter just died!"

She just said, "She's been dead a while…" Marzia looked like she wanted to talk about something, but Ryan kept glancing her glancing towards him while her and Felix made some stupid small talk about what exactly had been going on with the pregnancy, and what was going to happen now.

So, Ryan stepped away from the wall and asked, "Anything you want Marzia? You thirsty? Hungry?"

She smiled at him, seeming a little bit stuck on how to take him being here, and said, "Both. Can you just go and get me some food. Anything sounds good right now…" as she spoke, her stomach rumbled, and everyone in the room gave a small, nervous laugh.

Nodding, Ryan asked, "Water, Felix?" His boyfriend nodded sadly, and Ryan left the room as quick as he could to go and purchase the stuff from the Italian money he'd managed to exchange while they'd been waiting around at both airports.

It took him a good hour, especially seeing how he got side-tracked by a nurse who wanted to talk to him about stuff to tell Felix about Marzia and his dead child. It was important stuff, so he made a note, but he felt bitter and shit and just wanted to get back to his boyfriend and go home.

When he eventually got back, the room was creepily quiet, and Marzia and Felix were avoiding eye contact.

His boyfriend cleared his throat and took the bottle of water from him and asked, "What took you so long? It's been ages."

Handing food and drink to Marzia, Ryan opened his own bottle of water and said, "Nurse pulled me to one side. Wanted to just explain medical details and stuff. We can't stay here. We have to leave. It's gone past visiting hours. Also you're daughter… well, due to the circumstances, they don't think burial is appropriate but they need your opinions."

Looking exhausted, Felix just said, "It's your call Marzia," before he wrapped a hand casual around Ryan's waist. "We're going to the hotel room," he told them both, "we'll come back tomorrow though to discuss… things. And I need to talk to you when we get back," he said, looking at Ryan.

"Felix I-"

Marzia was cut up as Felix hurried Ryan out of the hospital and to the hotel. Everything was silent and awkward until they eventually got up into their room, and Ryan crashed into the bed and curled into the covers sobbing lightly to himself. Everything was just shit!

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Felix said, "We need to talk."

"We need to sleep. I got dragged out here, pregnant, for someone else's miscarriage. I feel like crap, Felix, let me go to bed, I really don't want to talk about your problems right now…" The words were harsh but it was honest. Ryan couldn't lie to Felix. "Sorry… I'm… I'm tired, and my back hurts like Hell…"

Rolling onto the bed, Felix massaged it until he had Ryan moaning lightly. "I kissed her." The moaning stop. "Back at the hospital. I… Fuck, Ryan, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I'm saying this but… But I have to choose."

The other struggled to sit up. "W-What?"

"Look at it from my point of view," Felix said. "I love you, and I love her. On one hand, our life. We had drunk sex on a holiday for Christ's sake, and you're a pregnant male! I swear I'm not gay, this isn't what I bargained for. But I love you so much, and we have a house and a puppy and I love this baby, I really do." Ryan thought over it for a second. "On the other hand, me and Marzia have been together a really long time. We broke up _because _the two of us made a mistake. I betrayed her for you. I did something horrible! But now… well, first things first, she really needs me Ryan. And second thing… I don't have to worry about being a father and fucking up anymore…"

The other gamer thought about it for a few seconds. "…yeah, she needs you, and yeah, _I _fucked up the relationship between the two of you. But you were the one who had sex with me, despite being in a perfectly stable relationship. And you're still going to have to worry about being a father. I get what you're saying, and I know you're not being a dick but…"

"Thank you…" Felix breathed, "This… this isn't easy for me. Having my feelings thrown around like this. And being a… being a dad…"

Sighing Ryan said, "Look. You're not being a dick yet. I understand you're in a tight spot. But you better fucking make you're decision, 'cause when you make it it's made. If you come with me, we stay in Florida, we have our baby, and we live a life. You can't cheat on me with Marzia, or any of that shit. And vice-versa. You go with Marzia, you stay with Marzia, and you don't ever come back to Florida to see me or your baby again."

Blue eyes widened in surprised. "Ryan-"

"That's it, isn't it? You want to come with me so we can have a family. Well, the head of the house doesn't cheat. And you want to go with Marzia to have a free relationship without any children, right? That means you give up custody of the one inside me." Even as he said this, Ryan felt his heart beginning to break.

He'd been worried about the closeness still lingering between Marzia and Felix, but he hadn't thought that the other still harboured feelings for Marzia. In a way, he felt bad. He must look like some evil bitch to Marzia, someone who'd stolen the man she loved. And… he must look like one really big mistake to Felix, too. But neither of these opinions of him made him feel any better, either.

Grabbing a pillow and a sheet, despite knowing his back was going to nag him for him later, Ryan said, "I'm sleeping in the bathroom. I'll open that door in the morning, to find you there, on the bed, meaning you're going to stay with me, or I'll wake up and you're gone, meaning I go home and never see you again."

When he got no reply, he locked the bathroom door tight and clambered into the bath tub and sighed. Surprisingly enough, it was actually pretty comfy, and he actually felt so damn tired he was falling asleep in no time.

Felix came over to the door. "Ryan? I… I need you. You're supposed to be my emotional support. Someone to help me…"

"How can I help you," he asked, "if I'm part of the problem? This is something you've got to figure out by yourself. And I don't wanna get hurt by you anymore then I need to be…" he whispered the last bit a little, but loud enough for the other man to ear. "…Night Felix. I love you."

There was some hesitation before Felix said, "Night Ryan. I love you too…"

He'd dreamed about fire and hell and burning children and broken hearts and all kinds of things that made him wake up, with sun pouring through his window, feeling like he'd been plucked apart like a headless chicken. There was a clock in the bathroom, and he could see it was midday. Plenty of time for Felix to have made up his mind. But he was scared. What if he stepped out there and Felix wasn't there? What would he do then?

Sighing, Ryan clambered out of the tub, hissing at the pain in his back, and moved over to the door. He inhaled deeply, cursed to himself, and stared at the door. Eventually, he just unlocked it and pushed it open a little, jumping when he saw a familiar face.

Felix.

He was still here.

He was sitting down by the door, and when Ryan had opened it he'd looked up. At the shocked face his boyfriend was wearing, Felix laughed and jumped up a little, pulling open the bathroom door and pulling Ryan in for a hug. "I made my choice."

Hugging onto Felix tight, as if he would desert him, Ryan sniffed, "I see that…"

Smiling, the other hung back a little and wiped the tears off of his beloveds face. "No. You don't get it. It finally clicked. These feelings for Marzia… weren't for Marzia, they were for my daughter. But, she wasn't supposed to be here yet, know why? Because me and Marzia just weren't meant to be. Because I love you. I'm supposed to. And we're supposed to be together. I'm madly, deeply in love with you, and I do stupid things every day because of it. And I'm not going to do the stupid thing of leaving you. Or my child. We'll go home after I sort some medical things out with Marzia…"

Feeling relieved, Ryan nodded. "Go. I'll be here when you get back. I'll begin packing up…"

When Felix had left, Ryan got a little worried, but did the packing, and then just rested for a little while. After a few hours, he got a text message from Felix, telling him the hotel staff would put their bags in a car, and he was to come down to the lobby and find him.

Ryan just wrapped up some editing stuff and then left.

A lot had happened on youtube. For one thing, their relationship had been announced. _And _Ryan's pregnancy. For another, Ryan had finally shown his face on youtube. There were mixed feelings between the fans. Some of them felt trusted by him, and were honoured to finally see his face, saying as long as he was happy, and change was good. Others thought the mystery was ruined- but seemed fine as Ryan didn't show a lot of his face, only on some videos of Felix when he snuck up in the background, or showed up in vlogs.

When he arrived downstairs, he was surprised by the bros in the lobby, and a very suave looking Swede standing there, in a tux, looking romantic.

Laughing, he moved up to him and asked, "And just what do you think you're doing, sir?"

He was kissed a little passionately, and fans began screaming like crazy. "Something I've been wanting to do for a very long time," Felix admitted, and Ryan noticed a hotel staff was holding Felix's camera. Before he could open his mouth and ask what was going on, his boyfriend got down on one knee, and extended a ring towards him.

Ryan could've just about died just right there and then. It made him feel a little girly, being proposed to, and a little embarrassed, but mainly, happy. He'd… kind of wanted this for a while too and… and Felix really _had _chosen him over Marzia.

"Ryan…" Felix started.

Covering his mouth, the other young man backed off a little, "No way…"

"Ryan, will you marry me?" the swede asked as all the fans became deadly quiet, looking at Ryan as if expecting an answer. Some of them had phones out but most of them were just watching with wide eyes as the blond looked a little nervous.

He threw himself onto the ground as carefully as he could without killing their baby and hugged his boyfriend around the neck tightly. "Yes, yes, yes! You dumbass! Why didn't you ask sooner?" he laughed, and the two of them burst into laughter as Pewds lifted him as off of his feet as they could get to show off to the bros.

And then they'd flown home.

It had been good. Covering all that nasty stuff with a happy memory. Instead of looking back and thinking 'That was the day Marzia had her miscarriage' or 'That was the day he almost left me' Ryan could just look back and think 'We got engaged that day' or 'He proposed to me, because he chose me, and he wanted me'. It was a good feeling.

Two weeks after that, everything had calmed down, and a doctor had come over to check to make sure the baby had a heartbeat now, and that it was working okay.

"Down Clem, c'mon, get down," Felix told their small, brown golden-retriever puppy. She just jumped at the doctor more. She was small, with a dark brown coat, and bright golden eyes, hence why they'd both called her Clementine, like from 'The Walking Dead'. "Sorry," Felix said, sheepishly, to the same man from the hospital, "she gets excited easily."

The doctor just laughed. "It's fine, no need to worry. So long as she doesn't jump up at Ryan like this."

Ryan had gotten over seeing this man as the evil doctor who'd told him he was pregnant, and just laughed, "No, she doesn't do that to me. It's like she knows.

Smiling, the doctor said, "Wouldn't surprise me if she did. I have the equipment. We can hook it up to your T.V. You're fiancé here can help me, you just lie down on the couch and get comfortable."

Nodding, the three of them got to work and made some small talk as they prepared the front room. The couch was really comfortable, so comfortable Ryan was surprised he was managing to keep his eyes open rather than sinking into it and falling into a deep sleep.

Felix kissed his forehead. "Come one. Stay awake," he whispered, and the machine finally hooked up.

"Okay," the doctor said, "you know the deal to sonograms. Let's get this done with."

The cold was still horrible, but Felix was holding his hand the whole time, sitting on the floor just in front of him, so that made it better, and the picture on the screen meant a whole lot more to him than anything had done before.

"There we go," the doctor said, moving his cursor around a little bit. "Healthy. And happy. I think. Look. You can even see his heart-beat…" He motioned towards the screen and Felix squeezed his hand with joy. "Seems good, so far. A normal size growth wise. And you seem good too, Ryan. This pregnancy's going well."

Sighing, Felix whispered, "That's our baby…"

Chuckling, Ryan kissed his cheek and whispered, "Yeah…"

The doctor smiled. "These are hooked up to my printer. So I'll print some stuff up for you. I brought other sonograms along, too, from your other trips to the hospital, with dates and ages and status' on them. So maybe you can make a little book or something?"

Nodding, Ryan said, "Yeah. I was planning to do that. Guess I can get started on it now… but I wouldn't want to lean towards the wrong gender."

"You wanna know?" Felix asked.

Nodding hesitantly, Ryan murmured, "Do you?"

The other took a little while to decide. "Y-Yeah. I don't know what I'll do if it's a girl though…" he said, looking a little sad. "Suppose she died around the time you got pregnant though so… Hey. Wonder if they're the same person? I mean, the body and the gender can be different, but… the souls the same, right?"

Ryan watched Felix hesitantly, before he nodded. "Yeah. Maybe you're right. Maybe it is. You said yourself she died because you and Marzia wasn't meant to be, so maybe her soul came into me instead, so she could become our child instead…"

The doctor didn't ask questions, as it wasn't his place, all he said was, "Well, he isn't a she. But, you're theory could be right. As long as you don't mistake this baby for the other one. This son of yours, he's yours and Ryan's. No-one elses."

In other words: this wasn't Marzia's baby they were talking about. Not anymore.

Nodding, Felix said, "Yeah… Man! I'm so excited, Cry! We're going to have a little boy!"

Just a few more medical check-ups, and then the doctor was out of their hair, giving them a file of pictures and papers and stuff for the book Ryan was going to put together. They watched him take off down the driveway before the celebration began.

Ryan was swept up and twirled around suddenly by a laughing Swede. "Oh, this is amazing! Amazing! We're going to play… soccer? Yeah. And play with Clem! And I'll teach him Swedish! Fluent Swedish! Jävla helvete!"

Laughing with him, Ryan patted his fiancé to let him know that he wanted to be lowered, and giggled. "Who do you wanna call first?"

"Fuck, I don't know!" Felix announced, before he launched forward and captured Ryan's lips in a fiery kiss.

Pressing their bodies together gently, Ryan reached up and entangled his hands into the messy blond locks, pulling the Swede over him as their tongues mixed in each other's mouths. They kissed in the hallway for a little while longer, before pulling apart and beaming at each other, chests heaving with excitement.

"I've got my mobile. Want me to invite people over?" Ryan asked.

Nodding, Felix said, "Sure. Still need to try and convince you're sister I'm not a penis right? I'll let my parents, and Marzia, know."

They both took their mobiles out. Ryan headed toward the kitchen, and Felix took up the living room.

He dialled his parents first. "Hey mom. Sup?"

"Hey honey. What's up?" she asked.

"I got the sonogram. Dunno if you want to know the gender, but we're both happy with the results. We were thinking about having that house warming party tonight, but maybe make it some sort of baby shower as well? Just in case you and Nathan aren't doing anything tonight," he suggested, and he heard his mum think about it for a few seconds.

She then said, "The three of us ain't doing anything. We'll come. Call your sister. Your father, too. They might want to come over as well."

Ryan called his dad next, just to get it out of the way. For six years, this man wasn't there. Now, they had limited contact, but he wasn't sure. Maybe… maybe he should just tell him. "Hey dad. It's me. Ryan. Sorry if I'm interrupting something."

The man on the other end grunted. "S'nothing. What's up?"

"You know what whole… publicity pregnancy thing? Well, we're having a bit of a get together tonight. You know my new address, right? The invites there," was all he suggested. His dad grunted and said he'd think about it, before Ryan finally dialled his sister. "Sup?" he asked, casually.

"Ryan?" she asked, sounding annoyed. "Is that you? Are you gonna prank call me again? I'm a little busy…"

Chuckling, the man said, "No. S'just we're having a get together tonight. I know what gender the baby is, and it has heart-beat now. Mum and Nathan and you-know-who is coming. Maybe dad too, though I doubt it."

"Felix gonna be there?" Ryan hummed nervously. "Sure. I'll come alone. Wanna kick that fiancé's ass of yours."

Why was it that his sister wanted to kick everyone who ever hurt him's arses, but his own too? Made no sense.

In the end, they'd hung up on each other after silly bickering, and then Ryan mooched back into the front room to find Felix had appeared, but was still on his mobile. He put a finger up to silence Ryan, bringing it to his lips, but the other only nodded and breezed over toward the doors that opened out onto the patio to look outside at the green fields and trees and admire the pool.

Hmm. They'd have to put fencing around that pool. He didn't want his baby boy to drown.

"Ja. Ja, ja, ja. Eh? Nej! Du- Du! …sorry. Tack…" With that, Felix hung up. He'd been using just enough Swedish for Ryan to manage to get his head around it. Some yes. A surprised gasp. A no. A sort of… curse like exclamation of 'you!' and then a sorry and a thank-you.

Since he was speaking Swedish, Ryan asked, "Was that you're mother?"

Nodding, Felix said, "Yep. And dad, too. He and mum… they're not really… happy about all this. They were really fond of Marzia, and aren't too happy with me being here with you now. They're also concerned with crap like bad publicity and stuff." The Swede petted Clemetine. "Anyway- let's not worry about that now. I still gotta call Marzia, sorry."

Shrugging, Ryan said, "It's fine."

His fiancé always spent a lot of time on the phone when it came to his parents. They did live _very _far away now, after all, and Ryan had no idea where he'd be if his family we're just around the corner from him, or if they weren't in the state.

Instead, Ryan curled up on the sofa, and the tiny Clementine came and jumped at him. She was so tiny, it was adorable. She could fit easily into Cry's lap, even with his baby bump, and was as light as a feather; Felix would carry her around the house using only one of his hands.

Not only would they have Clemetine, but Marzia had said that, after what had happened, she thought Maya might survive better over there, where she can roam easily. Plus, her and Pewds got along really well, and they had the space. As far as Ryan was concerned, Felix's other dog, Ynk, would also be coming down to stay with them. Now, Ryan did quite like animals, so as well as the new puppy, and the other two dogs, they were also going to get some kittens, hopefully, and Felix seemed fixated on getting a Chinchilla.

Why? Ryan had no idea. But he was getting a puppy and some kittens over letting his fiancé get one and both of his dogs, so they slightly older gamer wasn't really going to complain. As long as it was friendly. 'Else it would be out of the house.

The Swede circled around the sofa and sat down, whispering harshly down at the phone. "I know- what? No! I just wanted to tell you. Marzia- I'm your friend, can't you be happy for me? No, it isn't like that at all. Of course not! Y- Yes, it still upsets me! What are you? Marzi- please!" He pulled the phone away from him and glared at it. "She hung up on me!"

Leaning over the puppy, Ryan frowned and asked, "Why?"

Sighing, Felix ran his hand through his blond locks, and his diamond blue eyes fixed on the smaller, cuter boy. "She…" he sighed, "she thinks that I'm mocking her or something. That by giving her good news I'm trying to… rub it in her face or act like our pregnancy never happened. It… it isn't like that I just… I'm happy…"

Frowning, Ryan said, "…that is a little bit harsh but… but… she has just lost her baby a couple of weeks ago, _and y_ou did only kiss her a couple of weeks ago. Felix she's… she's probably very confused right now, very hurt, very upset and very angry…" He snuggled into Clementine. "Now's… not the time to tell her that stuff."

Looking down at the bright, green eyes staring back up at him, the gamer sighed and smiled. "Yeah... you're probably right. I'll give her time to calm down. So, who's coming tonight?"

For the rest of the day, Ryan began putting together a scrapbook, and realised now would be a good time for him and Felix to narrow down names for their upcoming baby, despite the due date being another six months away. You could never be… too eager, right? Felix, on the other hand, spent his time preparing for another party, while half-muttering to himself they'd already had one not more than a few weeks ago to celebrate Ryan becoming twenty-four.

For some mysterious reason, Ryan felt like Felix was… a bit put out by the fact he was older than him?

Not that it mattered. Felix was more successfully. With millions of bros worldwide- he was probably growing up a lot quicker than Ryan. He was probably feeling the stress and realising he'd have to step up to some marks soon. So, Ryan could at least _act _younger. And he hadn't made his twenty-fourth big, he was bitter about no alcohol.

Then again, he wanted his baby to look and think like a baby.

Not look like a slug, and have a mental capacity probably equal to one.

In the end, Ryan's mother and Nathan came down, with his sister, and they all just chilled out. He and his mother talked about the lovely ring on his finger (again!) while his sister sent daggers to the happy couple, and then Nathan hogged his lover by making him play soccer/football, and then completely blew Felix always when they invaded the xbox, playstation, wii, and anything else they could get their hands on.

Their poor electronics had no chance of survival. Even Clementine left her usual spot of hiding behind the T.V. to come and sit on Ryan's feet.

Eventually, though, his sister got him alone, in the kitchen, when he was getting himself some water to make up for not being allowed any wine. "So," she said, closing the door behind her, "talk. I want to know details about _everything _since I told you to go to the god damn hospital."

Glancing up, Ryan sighed, lowered his glass, and said, "You know what happened at the hospital. I got a sonogram. It turned out I was pregnant."

She raised an eyebrow as if to say 'don't get cocky young man'. "Did you call him?"

"Yeah." She glared at him. "Fine, fine! Yeah. I did. And I fucked up. He didn't believe me, of course he didn't believe me, and I got defensive, and said some things I shouldn't, and really, _really _hurt his feelings. So while I was at the house with you guys and you were all feeling sorry for me and thinking he was a dick, he was out there, somewhere, scared and alone and hurt," Ryan explained, before he swooped up his drink and glugged. "And then, he looked into houses for us, and got the fastest ticket out here to see me, 'cause he'd thought I'd either hung myself, or ripped out my stomach."

Whistling, his sister tutted. "Sounds like you. Sorry, it does. Morally, you go off the rail." She still looked a little bit suspicious. "And then what. I know you guys moved in but… why the fuck did you fly off to Italy? What was with this whole engagement thing? It's… it's fishy…"

Sighing, Ryan didn't really want to tell his sister everything, and squirmed. "Well… Marzia had a miscarriage, and since it was Felix's baby, he rushed right over there. But… it was such an emotional moment they ended up kissing or something, and Felix felt torn."

"That bas-"

"No!" Ryan warned. "It's not like that. He'd been with Marzia a long time, they'd built this plan, this family, then I come out of the blue and snatch it all away from her, take away her desire. And then their beautiful baby girl they dreamed off dies. Wouldn't you want to latch onto what you could? And Marzia was all that was left! Doesn't it make sense he'd want to go back to that, then say with me? A corrupted, fucked up story, that had ruined all that perfect smoothness?"

Hesitating, his sister then asked, "But…?" pressing onwards.

Finishing off his water, Ryan re-filled the cup and said, "But I was firm. Told Felix I had issues and mistakes too, and he had a choice. And he chose me. Over his own dead daughter. And to prove he really meant me, he proposed. How could I say no?"

She looked a little enraged. "Are you serious? You're twenty-four, pregnant, and you accepted a proposal from the man you had a one night stand with, who was going to leave you the day before? That's not love, Ryan, that's being desperate? That was not the right time to become fiancés."

Ryan took the defence. "_Yes _I'm serious. People get married and have kids sooner than this. And yes, it was a one-night stand, but it made my son, whom I love! And it made me fall in love with this person that I… I can't see a fault in. He's _perfect._"

"Oh god, Ryan…" she said, running her fingers through her dark hair.

Shaking his head, her younger brother said, "What? Why would I turn it down? First off, I love him. Deeply. I want to be his fiancé. And have done for long enough! I've tortured myself over loving him long enough, I deserve this! I deserve commitment!" he snapped. "Secondly, we had sex, we kiss, I'm pregnant with his child. Our relationship is very serious. And should have a security to it," he explained. "Third and finally, look, he chose _me. _You have no idea how significant this was. He was choosing his old life, his old fiancée, his old daughter, for me, for my baby, and for this life. He was asking me to decide his future, so I did. And his future is going to have me in it- and this was a way he wanted to make sure it stayed that way. What box isn't ticked?"

She blinked at him for a few seconds, then took an uneasy breath. "Fine. You win. Yes, you'r young, but… if you love him. If you're serious. And if you want to spend your futures together then- I'm not going to stop you."

Smiling, Ryan said, "Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear and sort out."

"Doesn't mean I'm going to stop giving Felix a hard time," she added, smirking.

Rolling his eyes, the younger adult picked up his glass and exited the room with his sister to finish the get together. Though nearing the end, Ryan spotted Felix and his sister standing in a corner together talking, and both of them seemed to have pleasant smiles on their faces. If it was anything bad, Felix would be sure to tell him all his fears later.

Eventually, Ryan began to feel a bit sick, so hinted towards his mother, who took an energetic Nathan home. When she left, his sister began to leave, but not before saying, "I'm being your bridesmaid, got it?" and leaving Ryan and Felix flushed a deep, dark red.

"So, you'll be wearing a nice, white dress will you?" Felix asked.

"Fuck no."

"S'fine," he chuckled, "I'm sure Ken or Russ'd wear a dress. If not, how 'bout Toby?"

Ryan hesitated. "You're the only one who's ever worn womens clothing Pewds."

Felix had warned Ryan had he not of been pregnant, he would've been sleeping on the sofa. But Ryan crashed on his nice, comfy bed, not really wanting to approach the next couple of months _at all. _Although filled with excitement, again, something about Marzia was giving him a really bad feeling, and putting him on edge. Something was going to happen with her. He knew it. He just didn't know _what. _

He was just glad that Felix didn't think this child was his miscarried daughter.

Another month passed, and Ryan was getting sick and tired of being pregnant already. They'd picked up Maya, who had taken to grumbling for Ryan on a regular basis. She seemed to like his rounded belly. And Ynk, who was scared of Ryan and would not go anywhere near him. Luckily, both of them got on with Clem pretty well, and the three liked to play in the garden together. Felix had gotten his weird Chinchilla thing, some ugly, black squirrel in a cage, and it liked to sit on his shoulder. It was called Bengt. Or something. It curled up on his tummy, and sometimes excited the baby. Bengt wasn't too happy when he was kicked off and sent flying, though. And, also, he'd gotten the kittens, one black, one white, both with blue eyes, and no tails, and no bigger than the palm of their hands.

They were both weird. Called 'Year' and 'Walk' because Ryan argued they matched the scenery.

Eventually, he got around to talking to Felix about a name for their son, as he was becoming very immersed in his scrap book, and wanted a name to put inside it. They'd been at the table, with Year (the white one) mewling at their feet and scratching at their ankles, just talking about regular stuff, when Ryan brought it up.

Felix looked a little surprised. "Whoa. We really need to think about this. Not long left now!" he insisted, though Ryan disliked being reminded of upcoming agony. "A boys name… huh… a boy's name…" Felix thought for a few seconds. "Can it be anything?"

"Dude… he's the son of PewDiePie. And Cry. His parents are both homosexuals. His mother was a genetically messed up male who carried him for nine-months. Giving him a normal name would only insult him," Ryan pointed out, smiling, "so, yes. Anything. Anything at all."

The Swede blinked. "Stephano."

"Stephano?"

"Stepahno," he said, with finality in his voice, and Ryan doubted there was anything he could do to change Felix's mind, not that he really wanted to.

He hesitated for a few moments. "Doesn't Stephano have a twin? Gonzales? Is that it?" Ryan asked, picking up the tiny kitten and letting it chew it his thumb with his harmless teeth.

Blue eyes fixed on him, filled with such amazing awe. "A brother. Not a twin. We'll call him Stephano."

Not that Ryan really minded much, it was a child, a name didn't matter much, the fact of it being there was the only important thing. So, the two agreed, and while Felix ate some food, he finished some stuff in a couple of the pages of Stephano's journal. It was… a pretty good Journal if he did say so himself, after he got some stuff together.

On the first page, he'd written 'welcome to the family' and intertwined his and Felix's family trees, and labelled their baby as 'you'. On the next open page, one had a side about Felix, about what he was like, and some pictures, facts, fan-art. On the other side was some stuff about him. Similar stuff. The next page was the wet page. It contained a small poem written by his sister about it, a bit odd but cute, and then on the next page he'd stuck down pictures of Stephano, and written his name. Then, he'd stuck in pictures from his and Felix's holiday, plane tickets he'd found, some things they'd bought, some stuff from the hotel room, stuff with memories, video links and all sorts.

It got a bit… darker from then on it.

He'd put down diary entries about what had happened, all the sweetest kind, and a few lyrics. It wasn't dark more… explaining. They took up only four pages, two open pages, so Ryan didn't worry about them, pictures, lyrics and ideas much. On the next double page was a picture of the hospital on google maps, some stuck in sirens from Nathan's broken car, and his blood-test results. He'd filled the next page up with the sonogram, and labelled it 'that's you'.

That's when everything had sort of cheered up. It had pictures of him being with his family, some stuff written, support sent. Worry on his channel. But mostly stuff to do with his family's reactions to the baby on a double page spread.

Then he'd put 'daddy came over to live with us!'. He'd gotten the house info, the plane ticket, and found some pictures of him and Felix, especially some with Felix going completely mental around his belly. They were all cute, and really livened up the mood. He'd written hope on the double page spread.

The next was about their new home, and Clem.

Then, it was about Marzia. Ryan had wanted Stephano to know about his half-sister. Felix had told her the name he'd wanted her to be called, and he'd written it in, along with some sonogram copies Felix had, some pictures he'd envisioned her as, his dream, and them some medical documents about the loss of the baby. He'd mentioned how daddy had chosen them, and about how the engagement had come along.

Then, he'd put down the newest sonograms, feeling quite a few pages, and had written about the get together they'd had, and about how everyone was excited that he had a heart-beat now, and that they knew the gender. Then he'd filled the next one up about how he'd been so active with diary entries, pictures, and Maya and Ynk and the other pets to add them into Stephano's life. And he'd just added 'we chose your name' which was drying now when Felix came and asked him if they could record a video together, again, but both be in the camera shot this time.

Normally, Ryan just got in vlogs, but he agreed, for once. He was feeling a bit… over-joyed?

They had separate cameras, as they'd work from different computers. But Pewdie would work out a way to stick them together. And it was Bloody Trapland. Ryan was practically rubbing his hands with glee at the idea of teasing his boyfriend.

"Alright- no! No Cry! Stop! Stop! Stop dying damn it!" his boyfriend exclaimed, as Ryan just tried to run toward the red triangle.

The insane laughing spree began, and Ryan lost his cool once more.

It was only a few days later when their household became very concerned again once more. And it was for multiple reasons this time.

For starters, their publicity for their male pregnancy had begun attracting the wrong gaze. A lot of Christians, and some people against homosexual relationships, had started a riot about the pregnancy. While other people had gotten an unhealthy interest, and had tried pressing through the court to examine both Ryan, and the baby when it was born. This was very frightening to the young couple indeed.

The anti-homosexuals group were very potent about their points. They believed that Felix and Ryan needed to end their relationship, and that Felix needed to return back to his own country. They also believed that the child was very unfortunate/was cursed. The anti-homosexuals wanted them to either abort the baby, for the fact of it having two male parents, or for the baby to be taken away from Felix and Ryan and adopted by a normal, loving family. The Christians did not believe in abortion- but nor did they want Ryan and Felix taking care of the child. However, they believed the child was some spawn of Satan, and so was Ryan and, from the sounds of it, they wanted to kill both of them, and saw Felix as a poor victim.

Then, others wanted to do research on the two of them. Find out whether Ryans genetic condition of being a male, only with female organs, applied to other straight people who had perhaps had never known. They also wanted to test on Stephano when he was born to see if this genetic issue would run in his blood- or if he had some sort of evolution to him from it. They found the idea very good, however. They said obviously this was a sign showing that homosexual relationships should be allowed to happen- and also that genders were very much equal. This could stop sexism and homophobia in its tracks if they did valuable research- and luckily for the young couple, they weren't crazy mad scientists, they only wanted to try and help benefit the two of them.

For one group, Ryan was terrified he was going to get shot while out walking, and Felix (being an Athiest) wanted to kill them. For the other group, neither liked the idea of anyone being poked and prodded, but they were both thankful for the back-up.

With these came paparazzi. They surrounded the house, and dug into their private lives, and all sorts of stories were coming out to the public. All of them were fake, of course, accept the story about Felix's previous life with Marzia, which had been, of course, dressed up. Several people wanted interviews- but eventually the government, as this was a special circumstance, issued a warning anybody who tried to bother the couple in any way would be arrested- this also applied to those wanting to experiment with Ryan, and those who wanted to get rid of the baby.

And then, just when it couldn't of gotten any worse, Marzia had called saying they needed to talk. _Immediately. _And, even if they didn't want to talk, Marzia had touched-down not even half-an-hour away, and was in a taxi on her way over to them.

Great.

In case you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm.

When she'd arrived, they'd sat down at the table, just the three of them, and Ryan had tried to make himself useful by getting food and drinks. He had some idea about what this was about. Felix's and Marzia's relationship, his relationship with Felix and, of course, Stephano. Probably about Marzia's miscarriage as well.

"…I want to talk about mine and Felix's relationship seriously," Marzia started.

Felix sounded a little unhappy. "There is no relationship, Marzia. I told you that. We are over, there's no chance of anything happening between us…" There was a warning in his voice, and Felix looked too drained and upset to fight.

Ignoring him, Marzia asked Ryan, "Can you leave?"

Before the oldest of the three could open his mouth, Felix said in a very level voice, "_No. _He cannot. If you want to say anything, you say it in front of him."

Narrowing her brown eyes, Marzia said, "Fine," and lowered her drink onto a coaster. "How can you say there's nothing between us?" she asked, sounding distant. "We were together, expecting a little girl, happy? Can you really expect me to get over you when you cheat on me with your best friend, and then run off into the sunset with him? I still love you- and I am not prepared to give you up…"

Sighing, Felix said, "Marzia… a relationship is a two way thing. I don't have any feelings for you anymore." Sighing, the Swede shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's the way things are. I don't love you anymore. You… you need to get over me…"

Her eyebrows twitched. "That wasn't what you said when we were alone."

"Marzia…" Felix warned.

She turned again to Ryan. "Did he tell you?" she asked, "That we kissed in the hospital?" Ryan nodded slowly. "Well… when he left the hotel that morning-"

"Marzia!"

"-did he tell you that he came back to my apartment and we had sex?"

Ryan felt something clench inside of his chest, and he glanced toward Felix, who was staring down into his lap. "No. No I did not." But then he said, "And so? We talked about a lot of stuff together, Marzia. He did love you, back then. Sex is making-love. If he loved you, I can't hold it against him. Nobody is perfect. The only thing that matters to me is that he doesn't love you anymore, and he's here with me." A sudden nasty feeling came over him. "Besides. You probably deceived him. Pity sex, most likely. Both of you had just lost your child, lets face it, you weren't in a good place."

The young woman looked a little surprised. "So… you don't care that he cheated on you with me?"

Stiffening, Ryan sighed, "Yes. Yes I do." He looked over at Felix. "You're sleeping on the couch- only for keeping it from me." Then he glanced back to Marzia, "But… I love him, and I can forgive him- and I can understand _why _he did it. Yes, it hurts, but it must've hurt you as well when we conceived this one. So…"

Felix took his hand and kissed him carefully. "Sorry…" he whispered, but Ryan nudged him away. Felix turned to Marzia and said, "What happened, happened because I was upset. I don't have any feelings for you anymore, Marzia. Please, as a friend, you need to move on."

She nodded carefully and sighed. "Okay… I want to know about your relationship. Is it… okay? In the end, I am your friend, Felix and… I would like to become your friend too Ryan."

The other spoke. "Yeah, I'd like for us to be friends too, but for that to happen I need to know you won't take Felix away from me. I'm very insecure about my pregnany, and what is going on, I don't wanna worry about being cheated on," he admitted. "Other than that, though, I have a lot of faith in our relationship."

Marzia seemed happy about that. "How's the baby? Is he doing okay?" she asked, nervously.

Ryan remembered it was about this time when Marzia had her miscarriage. Nodding, he said, "Yes. Thank you. He's doing perfect. And Marzia?" She hummed. "We… have no intention of hurting you with this pregnancy. I promise you. It's not like that…"

She nodded. "That's fine. Are you both ready to be parents? You're family ready?"

Ryan nodded. "I am. I mean, I kind of have to be, I'm the one who's pregnant here. My family are all very happy for me, surprisingly, even my dad isn't that bothered by it. Mom's just happy to be a grandparent, again. And Nathan's as excitable as always. Heh…"

They both looked toward Felix. "Well, Felix?"

The Swede sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I'm… really excited. I don't feel like a dad myself, but I know that he's going to be my little boy, and I love him so much already."

Marzia seemed happy with that answer, and then asked, "Do you have a name for him?"

The couple glanced between each other, and grinned and laughed. "Yeah," Felix said, "We're going to call him Stephano."

Even Marzia laughed at that one. "Really? Ryan, you were okay with that?"

Shrugging, Ryan nodded. "Yeah. It's not like this kid's going to be normal anyway, right? Besides. I think it's an okay name, and has some personal meaning behind it, so, why not? I had no ideas as to what we should name him, so…" He trailed off, and looked at Marzia seriously. "How are you doing?"

Sighing, she nodded a little weakly. "It's… hard for me. I have a boyfriend now, though, and I'm getting over it. But… I still wish she would've been born, you know?" The two of them nodded. "Oh. That's another reason I'm here. She… I want to give her a funeral. Even though she wasn't born, she matters to me, and she has a little body- I don't want to just have it burnt and thrown away. I was wondering if you two would want to come."

Ryan thought about it for a second. "I… I'd only go if Felix wanted me to. It doesn't really involve me, and its really personal, right? I wouldn't want to be there, sticking out like a sorethumb."

Besides.

Ryan was sure that Marzia's friends and family wouldn't take to him very well.

Felix's bright blue eyes stared down at the table for a few seconds as he thought about it. "I… yeah, we'll come say goodbye to her."

Nodding, Marzia tried to turn the conversation a bit more cheerful. "So… you like the house?"

Both of them nodded, but Ryan had grown a bit bored of talking, for now. "Yeah. It's huge. Very, very hot here. I'm used to lower climates. But it's nice. Mme and Ryan were talking about moving to Sweden in a few years time, though."

She nodded again, and then asked, "What about the pets?"

Opening his mouth, Ryan said, "Clem, Ynk and Maya get on really well…"

Felix agreed with him. "Yeah. They all like the house and the garden. And then we have two kittens, Year and Walk, they're sleeping now, though. And a Chinchilla, called Bengt. He's really cute. Really likes Ryan a lot."

Laughing, Marzia had a look of pain in her eyes. Ryan leaned forward, concerned. "Marzia? Are you okay?"

She twiddled her thumbs, and looked down into her lap. Her eyes darted from once face to the other, and she swallowed. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Slowly, she opened her mouth. "I'm pregnant."


	3. Chapter 3

Both of the young men sat there in silence and gaped at the woman in front of them. Their tense hands were tightened within each other, clasping so tight their knuckles were becoming white, and red crescent moons would appear on their palms later.

At first, Ryan didn't exactly know how to react to the sentence (or rather two words). "U-Um… That's great," he said, smiling and untangling Felix's sweaty hand from his. "Congratulations, I guess."

Felix accompanied this sentence with a tight smile.

Smiling back, the Italian shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Thank you. I'm in a stable relationship with my new boyfriend Marcus, issue is… I…" She looked so concerned at what she was going to say, Ryan immediately felt a distinct link to Marzia- as if it were them against Felix, and was hoping they could soon become friends (if Marzia's stable relationship was true). "I really hope it is his but…"

At once, Felix withdrew. "No… No, no, no…" he whispered.

Nodding weakly, Marzia said, "Y-Yes. It's a very slim chance, perhaps even one in a million- but I just felt like I should let you know." She took in Ryan's confused look. "I… it's slim but… it just about fits the date, if only by an hour. It… this baby _could _be Felix's. I'm about two months along now- and… when you were two months was when I had my miscarriage-"

"I can add it up for myself, thanks," Ryan said, quickly.

Suddenly it had pitched into a perfectly horrible nightmare. Something rearing its ugly head from Hell. It was so sick- because, for once, Ryan saw it. He fucking saw it. It was a trick. Marzia being two months, him being pregnant, Marzia having a miscarriage two months later, then getting pregnant two months later. If this was… some conspiracy then… Ryan could lose Stephano at _any given second. _And that s_cared _him. And if that happened- he would lose Felix too.

But, behind that, was Marzia. This connection- he didn't know what it was, but it was simple and pure. If it had a colour, it would be a warm, vibrant yellow. Because… they understood each other. And while both shared feelings towards Felix- neither of them were a threat to each other. Mainly because Marzia seemed determined to move on, and had come only to make sure she was missing something.

But still. If he lost Stephano- he was almost a hundred percent sure that Felix would leave him.

"I'm sorry. It's extremely, extremely unlikely. Anyway, that's us catching up and making up," she said, and quickly tossed the conversation away, making her company grateful. "I don't want to scare you I just… Wanted to chat with you guys. Me and Marcus are going to be staying here until the baby's old enough to have a DNA test- and also because you two are the god parents."

Blinking in surprise, Ryan was startled, while Felix said, "Really? Us? I'm not even sure we're going to be capable parents…" he admitted, and Ryan laughed a little.

Marzia giggled with the two of them. "Yeah. I'm sure. I know you're quite responsible- if given a push," she said, giving a knowing glance toward Ryan, who nodded in understand, the two of them bonding a little with the single glance. Trust had been established. "So- I can come and visit a lot."

"We have spare rooms," Ryan said, quickly. "You could stay here as guests. Right, Felix?"

The other nodded, and the matter was settled.

Within another month, Marzia had finished her first trimester, and Ryan was nearing the end of his second one. The two of them had become really good friends, able to talk about almost anything, yet being different enough to maintain their own separate identities and friends. Also, Marzia's new partner Marcus was great company. He was shy, easily embarrassed, but understood Ryan a lot- and the two of them had gotten extremely close- both of them sharing one key fact: they wanted Marzia's baby to be Marcus'.

However, at the same time that they had bonded, Ryan couldn't help but feel that… something was wrong with him.

As for him and Felix, the other had slept on the couch for a solid week before Ryan had begun to miss him and gotten cold being all alone in bed, so had come down and taken him back upstairs to bed with him. Since then, Ryan had slapped away any sexual- well, _anything_. His stomach had become swollen and sore- and his pregnancy had turned from good to bad. But, he'd forgive Felix, and the other was very guilty about keeping the past from Ryan. All in all, Ryan hoped they had grown a little closer.

But his pregnancy had begun troubling him.

Within the passing month, he'd become very aggressive and defensive in nature, towards all members of the household. He'd even resort to physical attacks if someone upset him enough- and then he'd quickly become surprised and excuse himself for the rest of the day. Since then, he'd found himself becoming tired too often- and everything hurt. Most of all, his body had become sore around his abdomen and he'd developed a headache. He was worried he was getting sick- and that the sickness would travel to the baby.

Yet, there was something that confused him. His pelvis felt like they were being pushed down all of a sudden, like the weight had increased too fast, and his stomach was trying to break the bone. His stomach was much larger than it was predicted to be, yet felt as solid as a rock- it was even quite bumpy.

Ryan had been calm about the whole 'miscarriage' idea- since he was now five months along. Until this had happen. He'd become very, very afraid.

Luckily, he was not the only one, Felix seemed worried too.

He was out in their large garden, laying around by the pool, becoming quite depressed about how fat he was, and how embarrassed he was to go out in public. He'd become so house-bound by the stupid bump- and it was only going to get bigger and bigger. He'd been trying to catch some sun when Felix had crept up on him and began massaging his shoulders.

Moaning lightly, Ryan smiled into his tanning arms and asked, "Felix?"

"Yeah…" he whispered seductively in Ryan's ear, but the other shrugged him away. "Hey… I think we should call the doctor over here to have a look at you. I know you're appointment is scheduled for later but… It'd put my mind at ease…"

Sighing at the forwardness, Ryan rolled over and struggled to sit up, slapping Felix when he laughed at him. "Sure… I'm worried too."

"And it can't be very nice for you," Felix whispered into his hair, before he kissed him gently on the table, then on the forehead, and the finally swooped in for a quick kiss to the lips before he helped the other to his feet. "Rest on the sofa- I'll call the doc…"

Marzia and Marcus were out for a date, so they had the house to themselves. They just laid around for a while after phoning the hospital and then waited around until their doctor arrived. It would take a while, so Felix tried some romantic advances. They got as far as tonguing before Felix was kneed in a very sensitive place (Ryan saw it as punishing for bringing two/three children into existence, or sort of).

Eventually, their doctor arrived, and they set up everything in the front room again.

As usual, he wanted to use his hands to examine Ryan first, and the brunet sniggered whenever Felix twitched as the doctor touched him. If the doctor moved his hands too high or too low, Felix's hand would jolt, as if the Swede was restricting a punch.

It was surprisingly amusing.

"Well, we may as well do your regular check-up. It'll show us things anyway. Just some questions, okay?" he asked, and the two nodded as Ryan lowered his top again. "Good. And have you been feeling growth?"

"Lots of it," Ryan said, sighing, and the doctor nodded sympathetically.

Sighing, he then asked, "Felt kicking or movement?" the two nodded, remembering how they'd spend nights together touching his tender stomach. "And, have you experienced any discharge from your chest yet?" Feeling his cheeks rise a little in colour and temperature, Ryan shook his head. "Okay, don't worry."

They talked about some medical information, before they made a sonogram.

At the end of it, the doctor seemed a little relieved, so Ryan felt his heart flutter in his chest like it had grown wings- but then the heavy weight in his pelvis quickly took the nice feeling away. He glanced toward Felix, who looked as equally relieved and was grinning sheepishly.

"Well…" the doctor said, using his bony hands to take away his glasses. "Could be bad, could be good. Good news is, the baby we've been monitoring has grown a lot, is very healthy, very normal. On the other hand…" he sighed, and pinched his nose. "It's been very easy for us to over-look this, we're looking past organs into a, what I can see, thick and oddly-shaped uterus, so it's hard for us to see things. But now…"

Felix looked a little worried. "What? What is it?"

The doctor smiled. "Don't worry too much. I just hope you have a lot of room. You may want to go out and buy double what you've bought already- because you have twins. We've been monitoring the larger male, but now I can see a smaller male in there too. Sorry we didn't spot it earlier- it's very hard given the… circumstances."

"…twins?" Ryan gasped.

Felix turned very white and looked as if he were about to pass out.

Nodding, the doctor cleaned Ryan up a little. "Yes. Identical. This does change any birthing plans you might have. You're going to have to come into the hospital and be very tightly monitored. Also- we'll add this to our research. Maybe multi-births are common in the pregnant male?" he asked, smiling. "Also, we're smoothing those parties. The anti-gays and then the… scientists. We're trying our best."

They thanked the doctor for his long journey, offered him some coffee, and then he went on his merry way, leaving the two of them a little stunned, but very happy.

"Gonzales?" Ryan asked, making Felix jump a little. "Stephano's brother is called Gonzales, right?"

Grinning from ear to ear, Felix snatched up Ryan and embraced him roughly, spinning him around and then kissing him passionately, shoving his tongue deep into his mouth. A few hours afterwards- Felix was finally satisfied after a month of no sex- and Ryan was angry he hadn't been able to keep his Swedish boyfriend away.

When Marzia and Marcus came home, they celebrated

Marzia, at long last, seemed finally happy and accepting.

However, Ryan got a strange feeling from Marcus. At one point, they were alone in the kitchen, both of them getting drinks, when Marcus glanced at him, and down at his stomach, and then just stared, before he sipped.

"I want a lot of children, you know. It'd make Marzia happy…" he said, and Ryan nodded, surprised a little. He decided Marcus was drunk. "You think Felix makes Marzia happy?" he asked, looking at him, then at his stomach again. "Is she… jealous?"

For some reason, Ryan felt like, rather than talking about him, Marcus was talking about Stephano and Gonzales. He shielded his stomach slightly, and backed away, picking up a kitchen knife discretely in his right hand.

Moving closer, Marcus pulled Ryan a little closer to him, and Ryan could smell the alcohol on his breath. He pressed himself uncomfortably against the younger male and Ryan was backed into a counter as lips came a little closer. "Maybe… maybe if she had twins of her own…"

"Ryan?"

As soon as he heard the voice, the other slipped away and hid behind his boyfriend, then quickly tugged them out of the room and upstairs, where Ryan sat and drank his drink a little, and Felix didn't bother him about it, just nodded when Ryan said, "Marcus gives me a bad feeling."

Of course, this meant that Ryan had to go shopping for more stuff, and sort out a nursery for his children.

The bedroom he had picked out for Stephano and Gonzales had been quiet large anyway. It had two large windows over-looking their large garden- but both of them were tackled with stuff to make sure that nothing got in. Two walls were painted gold, the other two copper (request of Felix). It was a nice room, there was a crib in the corner, and space for another next to it, a white closest next to it piled high with toys. A changing table, a bunk-bed (thank God). Then the rest of the world consisted of some decorative toy holders, toys and some chairs and stuff like that. No games; not until they were older.

So, he and Felix had been alone to sort that out, when they'd suddenly remembered shopping was in order.

So, he and Marzia had decided to go baby shopping.

"I need so much stuff," Marzia said as the entered the first shop, filled with all sorts of clothing. "I hadn't even begun preparing. But now that I know he's a boy, I can begin getting some stuff for him." As she said this, she went straight toward some blue stuff and began to root through it. "Hmm… what kind of look do I want for him?"

Ryan moved toward some green clothes and looked through them. "Me and Felix are just going for some cute little outfits, nothing too big, you know? Not jeans or jackets. At least, not yet, maybe in a year or so…"

Giggling, Marzia nodded. "Hmm… Blue… or purple?"

"Purple?" Ryan asked, turning to raise an eyebrow.

Laughing, she asked, "Why not?"

They shopped for a good hour, before they stopped in a small café to have a cuppa and think about some things. Not to mention it was really good bonding time for the two of them, and they smiled at each other over the rim of their cups.

Eventually, Marzia said, "If it is Felix's…"

Lowering his cup, Ryan asked, "Yeah?" knowing Marzia was trying to get to something.

She swallowed. "What… what would you do?"

Shrugging, Ryan finished off his cup of tea and said, "Nothing. Well, it'd be Stephano and Gonzales' half-brother right? I've got no problem with it- all that matters is that child has a fantastic life, personal reasons should stay away."

They sat sipping for a while, before Ryan noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Something... off.

Within the next few seconds, it was all just like a blur.

The man he had been watching, who had been watching him and Marzia, pulled a gun from his pocket, in the middle of the crowded mall, and aimed it straight for his heads. Things clicked at once. Bits. Pieces. He knew this man. For one, he was one of the anti-homosexuals that had claimed both he and his child should die, because they were possessed by Satan. Secondly, he only now realized he'd been following him and Marzia since shop number three.

While he sat there in horror, staring down the barrel of a gun as a trigger was pulled and it moved like clockwork to release a bullet, Marzia had jumped up with a scream, throwing back the table and spilling drinks everywhere.

Her surprise had knocked him onto the ground- and made everyone else in the mall look towards her as the man with the gun advanced now that his bullet sunk itself into the leg of an innocent passerby, who collapsed as friends, family and strangers gathered around him.

It was done in seconds. He was pinned uncomfortably under a chair, Marzia was screaming for help hysterically, crowds had begun gathering, running and screaming, while someone was calling an ambulance in the background. And all that time, this man came closer until he crushed his heel down on the chair and pressed the barrel to his temple.

And then the next thing Ryan knew this man was laying crumbled on the ground next to him, and someone in black was standing above him, moving the chair, with a taser in his hand.

Then he and Marzia were rushed from the building. Ryan was still in a state of shock, so much so he felt himself being pushed into the back of a cop car and he just sat there, so shocked the man in black had to fasten his seat-belt for him, and when Marzia clambered into the front, looking angry and serious, she turned around, her brown eyes of worry fixing on him.

"It's going to be alright, Ryan, you're going to be fine," she said.

The man in black just talked to the driver and said, "Drive. The nearest station. Hurry."

As they took off, Marzia fixed her hungry, angry eyes on the driver. "What's going on? Who were those people?"

The driver was quick with his words as Ryan vomited into the back of his car. "A party that don't like Ryan being around. His pregnancy has become a serious government issue, his life is in danger- there was going to be a terrorist attack here to end his life, as you saw. We'd already secured the area. Now, just sit back and relax."

Marzia glanced at the two of them. "Relax? How can I relax when there are people trying to kill us?"

"You're quite safe," the driver assured.

Marzia glanced back towards Ryan. "I… I had no idea you're pregnancy was going to cause such a… worldwide issue, nor put your life in danger…" she whispered, before she turned to the driver. "So… so they can't get to us now?"

Shaking his head, the driver said, "No. You're safe, ma'am. We're taking you to the hospital to make sure you're all right. We don't give in to terrorists…" he said, and tried to smile reassuringly over his shoulder to Ryan.

At the same time the boys green eyes became like pin-pricks and everything slowed down, but became incredibly crystal clear.

As the cop turned to smile at him, a car crossed over from one side of the road to the other, and came down straight toward them, picking up speed, souring past 100mph at least. It was a sleek vehicle, easily disposable. And it kept coming and coming, with no intention to stop, and Ryan suddenly realised that he, his twins, the cop, Marzia and her baby boy were all about to get hit, full-on, by a suicidal anti-homosexual terrorist.

And he couldn't even open his mouth to scream, "Look up!".

It just hit them.

The cop's head was thrown forward, and it smashed into the glass. It shattered like a spiderwebs, and his blood burst across the screen, before turning that spider-web red. His eyes became dead in a second, his body lifeless, and his corpse fell over the dashboard as it was eaten by the other car, and his legs butchered like they were caught in machinery. Life. Gone. Just like that.

Luckily, Marzia's head snapped back as the airbag when off, but her nose had obviously broken and blood was pouring down her face. She moaned in pain, obviously conscious, and her legs, too, were caught in the mess of metal, but they were so tiny, and she was so flexible, that Ryan doubted there was any real damage done.

He was thrown about, some, but nothing bad much happened, until the car flipped over the other car and into the road and landed on its roof.

His head collided with something hard, and he felt glass attack him as his body twisted uncomfortably at being upside down. Marzia didn't have much room against that air bag, and she was as limp as a ragdoll, so seemed fine.

Through a smoky mirror, Ryan had enough time to see a car tire coming directly towards his face before the car was hit again- this time by flipping into the other side of traffic. He felt the car being flung onto the dirt and was almost decapitated by his seatbelt. He could feel blood oozing all around him, and everywhere hurt so much.

Just as he faded into unconsciousness, he could smell the smell of fuel and fumes, and knew by the time help got there, his corpse would be a pile of ashes.

Luckily, it didn't end like that.

From what Felix had told him, they were pulled from the wreckage by an ambulance that had been passing by just before the car had exploded and burst into flames. He'd told his story with relief rather than worry, and it had made Ryan feel better.

He was stuck up to a hospital bed with an IV in his arm.

Everything was… hazy but, other than a concussion, some bruised ribs and a couple of broken fingers, he was fine.

The same could not be said for Marzia. Her legs were badly damaged, and had needed surgery to fix the tissue and fix bones. They were not walk-worthy, at the moment, so she was confined to a wheel-chair- but it didn't matter because her spinal-cord had been damaged by the air bag, so she was paralysed temporarily from the waist down.

No-one was pointing a finger anywhere though.

His greasy hair was slicked back and kissed tenderly on a forming bruise. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm right here," Ryan assured, leaning into the kiss with affection. "And so are our boys."

Smiling, Felix leaned down and kissed Ryan's swollen abdomen. "Yeah. Little miracle workers, those guys."

It was also good news that all three boys were fine.

Marcus had seemed strangely… sad. He'd brushed it off that he was worried about Marzia but he… didn't seem to be celebrating much. Felix had managed to catch him on the phone shouting, "You promised she wouldn't be hurt!" and Ryan could've sworn that Marcus looked rather disappointed- and continued to glare at him until Marzia had woken up from surgery, in which he returned back to normal.

Huh.

By the time they were released back home, they were all over the news.

All kinds of women all over the world were telling people to leave them alone and to let them enjoy their pregnancy in peace.

A lot of lawyers were arguing that the entire party, and any associated, to the terrorist attack needed to be arrested at once.

Many doctors had expressed how serious this situation could be- and how the world needed to stay out of this special matter- while other people argued this wasn't to do with human evolution, it was to do with rights, and the fact that new important life was involved.

The Bros were all up in arms, some even threatening to kill people.

The president himself, and several other world leaders, had also made statements violence or aggression with not be tolerated, that they had human rights and these rights were to be addressed. While an abnormal case, the Kjellberg's should be left to enjoy their life in peace- and not have to worry about being murdered. He'd mentioned a security thing would be going out and anyone associated with attempted-murder, or any of those planning it, would be arrested and prosecuted.

Ryan and Felix had then been told they would have people guarding their home for them, and guarding them if they went places, for their own safety. They were also told if they chose to press charges, a lot of bad people could be put away for the good of the rest of the world.

More than a hundred people had been sentenced- and hundreds more were still in questioning.

It was madness.

Then again, Ryan couldn't blame it. It was such a strange circumstance, and had a lot of issues involved. Haters. Fangirls. Crazy doctors. And then the supportive people. All in all, Ryan just wanted it to all go away, so he and his family could live in peace without the rest of the world trying to get into their private life, kill them, jab them with needles etc.

His family were very concerned.

His mother had made a statement to the public that Ryan was her baby boy, and that nobody should harm anybody's child. She asked that all parents re-think their actions towards this, and remember than Ryan, and Felix, were people, with mothers, and soon to be with children, that all need them.

Ha. His sister, on the other hand… well. She'd appeared on the news, talking directly to the anti-homosexual party, and had told them that if they tried to kill him again she would stick machete's up their arses. She also told them that if they were doing all this just because of what it said in a freaking book then they needed to re-read their damn book and get their stories straight- and also look at themselves for all the sins they commit. She also mentioned God changes, like humanity, and they need an update, pretty quick, or else she was going to scrap them for spare parts. She'd then sworn some more, threatened to kill them all, and all together come off as a pretty insane individual. Ryan _loved _than woman.

Marzia, too, had appeared in the news, pleading with everyone just to leave them alone. She mentioned although not Christian, she thought God was supposed to be all loving, not ignorant. She then reminded them how she, a straight, pregnant female, had lost her legs due to this issue- and how Felix and Ryan were her best friends, and she'd happily of lost their legs for them if only to make this statement to keep them safe.

Ryan loved that woman too.

After he was released from hospital, along with Marzia, which was about a month later, Marcus and Felix decided that they needed to go down to the beach to have some time away from all the racket. To be honest, Ryan had rejected it at first. As if he wanted to walk around with his large belly and people trying to kill him. But he'd been reminded that the guards would be looking out for them- and Marzia had begged him to be big bellied with her.

Reluctantly, he agreed.

They hopped on a coach and made for the beach with about ten guys in black with suspicious shades. Ryan hated it. This had been exactly what he had avoided when making the persona Cry. He had wanted to avoid all this stupid publicity but he had got it anyway. Che.

"Hey Cry…" Felix said, sliding down next to him.

Smiling, the brunet said, "Hey Pewds."

The other slung an arm casually around his shoulder and pulled him closer with a loud sigh. "I know you're dreading this…" Felix said and the brunet looked away in embarrassment. "_But _I assure you It's going to be fine. We're going have fun, okay? I promise you." Felix pressed his lips to Ryan's temple to secure the promise.

Sighing, Ryan supposed he could cave in. For Felix.

"They look happy," Felix said, suddenly, making Ryan jump a little.

"Huh?" he asked.

The blond nodded toward his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. "The two of them. They look happy together, don't they?" There was a strange look in his eye. "I really hope I haven't ruined things for Marcus, you know? I hope that baby isn't mine, for his sake…"

Murmuring a little under his breath, he said, "I hope it isn't too…"

"But for different reasons…" Felix added.

Ryan glared at him from the corner of his eye. "Do you want to start a fight?"

"N-No!"

"Good," he said, quickly. "Then shut up…" He glanced over at the couple again as Marcus chased Marzia across the beach while she successfully beat him with her wheels. "I'm a little jealous of the two of them, actually. It must be so nice. They're a straight couple, unlike the two of us, they haven't got to worry about what other people think. Everyone accepts them. And their pregnancy is just… fine!" He sighed. "They're happy, but in an oblivious way."

Nodding, Felix pressed his lips to the crown of his lovers head and hummed, "It should stay that way."

Copying his lovers earlier motions, he also nodded and said, "Yeah. It should."

There was a moment of hesitation as the sand blew dust across the beach, and Felix sheltered Ryan from the blow, not wanting the other to be uncomfortable or for sand to get into Ryan's contacts and cause an emergency. "Are we happy?" he whispered as it passed. "Are we _really_?"

Glancing up at him, Ryan saw Felix was dead serious. "I'm happy as long as I have you." He watched Felix's face carefully. "But are you happy? This isn't affect me it's affecting _you. _Its different for me," he said. "I didn't have a girlfriend to lose when we got drunk. I didn't lose a baby at the hospital when we got engaged. You've lost a lot, do you really feel happy gaining me?"

Ryan wanted an honest answer. Even if it hurt.

Thanks to his actions on their bro holiday, Felix had lost his girlfriend, Marzia, who he had been deeply in love with. Thanks to him being some weird, mutant monster and getting pregnant. And being selfish. And falling in love. He had no-one else to be with- Pewds did. Did he force Pewds into choosing him?

And Ryan some-what believed that these earlier actions changed Marzia's condition. If they had never gone on that holiday, Felix could have a beautiful baby girl by now. If Felix hadn't moved in with him, he could have left all that heart-break behind. Any small actions could've changed the future.

These pasts actions, as far as he was concerned, had all lead up to it.

Was he worth that?

"It affects you too!" Felix insisted, "I'm not the one trying to be killed!"

Quickly, Ryan said, "But if I die, I'm _dead. _I don't have to mourn myself, or mourn the boys. Me, and them, will be dead. It'll be _you _who has to stick around missing us." He took a deep breath. "Are you happy you decided to stick by my side? Be dragged into this mess? Trade that life for this one?"

He bit his lip.

But he said it anyway. "Do you wish we'd never gotten together? Or that you'd stayed with Marzia? Or that I had the miscarriage instead of-"

"_Shut up!" _Felix stood up suddenly, looking like he was about to cry. "Just shut up Ryan! Why are you doing this, why are you saying these horrible things?" Ryan felt himself flush a little in shock. "Do you doubt me this much? And to bring that up!"

"P-Pewds I…"

Bending down on the ground, Felix grabbed Ryan by the shoulders and said, "I love you, okay? With all my heart, Ryan, there is no-one else for me! And I'm glad everything has happened, I don't regret a thing. Yes, I was with Marzia, but you're the one I'm in love with. Yes, I had a life there, but here I feel more welcome."

Ryan grew aware of Marzia and Marcus' staring (as well as the guards) but Felix wouldn't stop talking.

"I wouldn't take back that holiday, or the first time we made love, it's my most treasured memory. Remember just who flew all the way over here and bought a house for you, and the boys, I made my decision to stick by you. If I left you alone what kind of father or man would I be?" he asked, but there was no answer to give. "And don't you dare say anything about our boys like that. You don't know how it felt when you said to me about having an abortion, you have _no fucking idea _how shit that made me feel. You have no idea what happened during the time I was at the hospital, but what matters is I got engaged to you. And you have no idea of the pain and horror I felt when I got that phone-call about you."

"Phonecall…?"

Blue eyes were brimming with tears. "The police called about it. I couldn't handle it. I felt so sick when they told me an attempt had been made on your life, and you'd attempted to escape in a car but been stuck by one of them, and they'd pulled you out of a wreckage that had rolled multiple times. I was so worried I couldn't even handle it and when I saw you lying in a hospital bed looking so dead-"

Pulling away, Felix stood, and Ryan instinctively grabbed onto Felix's wrist only to be shrugged off.

Turning away a little, the Swedish man said, "I… I can't believe you'd think me fickle enough to do that. Yes, I know I was a bit of a dick and fucked you. Yes, I know I didn't support you at the beginning of your pregnancy. Yes, I know I could've knocked Marzia up, I made a mistake, but you don't know how much all of this is for me. You can say it like you do, you can list all those things off and accuse me, but you see from a third person perspective, you're not me! You don't know how I feel about what's gone on between you, me and Mariza!"

"Felix… listen to me…"

"I get it," the blond said, cutting him off. "I get it okay. You don't trust me. You think I still like her, don't you? Well that's fine!"

As Felix walked away, Ryan tried to call out to him, but was ignored. "Felix, c'mon, its not like that. Felix!" The brunet then punched his umbrella in frustration. "Fuck!"

Wheeling herself over, the only other person Ryan could trust like he trusted Felix, ironically, was Marzia, and she steered herself next to him and slipped out of her chair onto the towel and began to massage her ankles. "What happened?"

"We got into a row," Ryan sighed. "And after he went through all this trouble to try and help me relax after that scare. I'm such a dick!"

"What did you say to him?" Marzia asked, her brown eyes worried.

Sighing loudly, Ryan admitted, "Some pretty bad stuff." When she looked at him pressingly he slowly opened up. "This is so much for him to handle. And he had a perfect life. He had you, he had the bros, he had this baby girl. And then I come along and I ruin everything! I had a bit of a crush on him, and after a few drinks things got to out of hand. And then I had to be some genetic freak and get knocked up. And then I had to be an arse and basically threaten him to come and be with me! But I didn't say it like that. It sounded like I was blaming him… I asked him if he wished he'd stayed with you and left me alone, I asked him if he wished I could've had the miscarriage…"

Marzia gasped. "Why would you say that to him?"

"It's not like that!" Ryan said, quickly. "It's not like that at all. I trust him. I don't know what I'd do without him but… Look at me Marzia!" Her brown eyes studied him closer. "What am I? I'm nothing compared to you. I'm just some faggot American kid, some useless piece of trash, some mutant freak. How can he be happy with me when he could have been with you?"

Small, tanned hands, with pink-painted nails, rested on Ryan's shoulder. Coming closer, Marzia embraced Ryan. "You're not like that!" she insisted. "You're not like that at all. You're a good person. And there's not many of those left out there."

Ryan just laughed. "No. There's obviously something wrong with me. No wonder my dad left. Look at me. I'm pathetic…" He rested his cheek on his knees. "I was just… being insecure. And he took that the wrong way. He thought I was doubting him. Instead, I was just doubting himself."

"Was is there to doubt?" Marzia whispered.

"I'm ugly, I'm short, half of the world wants to assassinate me, I'm known as a biological freak of nature, my dad walked out and left me I just…" Sighing, Ryan admitted, "I had a lot of… problems as a kid because of stuff. Well, at one point in my life, I got a bit depressed and some of its stuck with me." Insecurity often did. "A-And I'm just… worried…"

"About what?"

Ryan felt his own eyes brim with tears. "About him leaving me. I wouldn't blame him, I mean, look at what I just did!" he said, gesturing across the beach. "I just made him cry. I'm an arsehole! Why wouldn't he? But… I've not had many men in my life, for a long time it was my mum and my sister. My own father walked out on me. Felix could, even more easily than he did. Felix could do to my twins what my father did to me…"

Soft brown eyes warmed a little with understanding. "So, you're insecure about yourself and wonder why he'd want someone like you? And you're worried about him leaving you and the boys like your father did to you?"

Nodding against his knee caps, Ryan thoughtfully said, "Mum looked so sad when he left…"

"But things will get better," Marzia said.

Glancing over at her, Ryan snapped, "You're in a wheelchair because of me!" then lowered his gaze and whispered. "I'm sorry…" Glancing up at her from under brunet bangs, he asked, "How can you not hate me? When I was such a raging diva and took him away from you? After I could have possibly caused your miscarriage…"

"What?" Marzia asked, generally confused.

Sniffing a little, Ryan mumbled miserably, "If me and Felix had never gone on that holiday, never gotten together, never gotten me pregnant… if those events could change and make a new future, then other events could change, too. If none of that had happened, you may not have had a miscarriage…"

Sighing, the Italian asked, "Have you been blaming yourself for that too?" When the American slowly nodded, Marzia said, "Well don't. Life happens and bad stuff happens and good stuff happens, but I'm happy now with Marcus and my baby girl will come back to me when the time is right. But I want you to be happy too…"

"I am happy but…" he looked toward where Felix had run off into the mountains, "is he?"

Shrugging, Marzia said, "He's talking of moving to England. He likes the coast. I think he'd like for his boys to be closer to Sweden… and I think he wants to take you away from here, maybe he thinks he can get rid of painful memories."

"How would moving to England help?" Ryan asked confused.

"This countries quite Christian isn't it? England doesn't really care much. And you didn't have all these stressful events happen there," she said, before she added, "he'll talk to you about it or something, don't bother with me, information isn't good if not straight for the right person."

Humming, Ryan said, "Wonder if he'll talk to me. Maybe he's sick of me already. Or realized I'm not who he thinks I was. Realized I've ruined his life…"

For a long time Marzia didn't say anything, then said, "Marcus has gone off to find somewhere to book dinner. Wheel me around the beach for a bit." When Ryan gave her a look she said, "According to you, you put me in this wheelchair. So the least you can do is keep me company and give me a bit of a break."

Fair enough. Ryan feared he was putting on extra weight that wasn't to do with his pregnancy anyway.

They wheeled and chatted until the sun began to set. Then they'd realized they'd gone quite far along the beach and the tide had cut them off. They ended up taking a path up to the main road and going back along it, but when they arrived everyone else had started a mad panic for them, but Marzia just laughed it off with him.

"We found them," one of the security guys called out to Marcus and Felix, who were down on the beach looking toward where the tide had come in with pure fear. At the call, both of them perked up and hurried up the beach to find them, but both of them were too engrossed at staring at car shop with awe.

A little breathless, Marcus demanded, "Where did you take her?"

"For a stroll," Ryan said, watching Felix's hands twitch at Marcus' tone. The tide cut us off so we came back up along here." He smiled, and Marcus relaxed.

Laughing a little sheepishly and taking the handles to the chair, he said, "Alright then. I've made dinner reservations. We should still be on time, if we hurry," he added, winking a little, and then beckoned the two of them to follow him.

Before Ryan could go, Felix snatched up his wrist. "Hey, look-"

"Can we talk about it when we're alone?" Ryan said, quickly. "I have some personal things I wanna explain…" As he said it, he intertwined their fingers and Felix glanced down at them, before he hummed.

There was no smile. Or squeeze. But at least he didn't pull away.

After dinner, Ryan and Marzia practically passed out in the car on the way home. He came to pulling up on the drive with a groan at having slept funny and put a bit of a crick in his back, and saw Marcus carrying Marzia in and upstairs. Undoing his seatbelt, he climb out of the car and yawned before waiting for Felix to turn off the engine. As soon as they were inside, Marcus excused himself to bed as well, and the two were left alone in the front room.

Felix didn't even give Ryan a chance to sit down before he asked, "Now can we talk?"

"Okay, but I want to say something," Ryan said, quickly. Felix lowered himself down on the sofa and Ryan twisted to face him. "I want to say sorry for earlier, ah!" he said when Felix opened his mouth. "No, let me talk." The lips slowly closed. "It came across wrong. I wasn't doubting you, or accusing you, its just…"

He took a deep breath.

"My dad walked out on me as a kid, but you know this, and I've developed some… insecurity within myself… I was doubting myself," he explained. "Who would want me? I'm ugly and I'm useless and I'm annoying and I'm a genetic pregnant faggot mess that completely ruined your life. All I want is for you to be happy, but I'm worried I'm holding you back from that, that you can't be happy with me…" he whispered. "And I'm so scared of you leaving me…"

He'd closed his eyes so that he could will himself to keep on talking, so when Felix's lips pressed to his own they flew open in surprise. He tilted his head back enough to let the Swede give him a chaste, passionate kiss, before pulling away and resting their foreheads together.

"Why would you think such horrible things about yourself?" Felix asked, confused. "How could say that stuff to me on the beach so easily when you were accusing yourself? I… I don't…" he trailed of, knowing he'd never be able to understand. "Ryan, look at me."

Shyly, the other glanced up.

Smiling, Felix said, "I love you. You're amazing. You're beautiful and you're helpful and you're so much fun and you're my handsome fiancé who's giving me the most amazing family in the world and I couldn't ask for anything more." He pecked Ryan's nose. "You're all I could ever want and need and I am the happiest man alive as long as you love me."

The two embraced and Ryan could feel himself physically shaking with relief. At first, Felix found it funny, but then he began to worry, so he turned off all the lights and helped Ryan into bed, spooning him a little awkwardly (due to the belly bump) from behind.

With his chin resting on the brunets head, he whispered, "Love you Cry."

"Love you too, Pewds," the trembling American whispered before falling asleep.

When he'd reached being six months pregnant, and Marzia was on her fourth, everything began to get a little worrying around the house.

For Cry and Felix, they'd discussed the idea of moving to England. It seemed like something Felix really wanted to do, and when he talked about his reasons the pain in his eyes was strong. He wanted Ryan to be as safe as he possibly could and here, where people could take being Christian to a whole new level and medical science was so far advanced he was worried about Ryan being shoved in a lab for the rest of his life, wasn't the safest place in Felix's mind. England was cloudy, rainy, and although the people there liked to complain, they never really did much about it, and they didn't really care if you were gay, they were full of all kinds of races, all kinds of religions and all kinds of sexualities. They literally couldn't give less of a fuck.

For Marzia, things had gone very downhill. Like her last pregnancy, there were complications in the fourth month. Again, something about the fluid in the uterus, the same causes of her last miscarriage, and she had a doctor coming to visit her every day, too scared to stay in the hospital. It affected the whole house, Felix seemed to be suffering painful memories and Ryan was losing his shit so much he'd become a bit OCD and cleaned the house to occupy himself.

For Marcus, well, Ryan had become very suspicious of him. He was always creeping around the house. And buying things. He was always on the phone to suspicious people, and looked shifty about it when asked. In several cases, Ryan had found knives to be missing, and later found them hidden around the house. In one case he'd woken up and found Marcus tampering with medicines in the cabinet. The other had bought rat poison and Felix said he found him tampering with the smoke alarm and the two of them had found parts of their house to be unlocked.

Ryan wanted to ask Marzia if she could move to the hospital so they could kick Marcus out for his strange behaviour (currently being excused as worrying for Marzia) but he wasn't that cruel hearted. But still. He and Felix were watching him very closely, and Marcus seemed to know it.

Good.

Walking into Marzia's room, Ryan found her curled up in bed in the dark. He walked over and pulled open the curtain and walked her shove a pillow over her head. Slowly, he shook her shoulder and asked, "How are you doing?"

She was silent for a bit, and then said, "Leave, Ryan. I don't want to snap at you."

"But your mother sent you gifts," he tried to persuade.

She told him to leave it on the bedside table, so he did, and wished her some soothing words before exiting the room. When he left, he found Felix waiting for him. He spotted Marcus watching the two of them further down the hall and glared at him.

To Felix he said, "Your sister's sent you something. I think she wants to come over and visit."

Felix didn't look too happy about that, but nodded grimly, promising to check the post. "How is she?"

They walked down the hallway and into their bedroom where Marcus's ears couldn't hear them. After closing the door with pursed lips Ryan sighed, "She's upset. But that's to be expected right? She doesn't wanna have a miscarriage. And she's already been through one…"

Felix rubbed his face as if stressed. "I know how she feels."

"Well, Clemetine's sleeping on her bed," Ryan laughed, "Sneaky bitch. She's worried too." He tried to change the conversation. "Your birthdays soon. What do you wanna do?"

Felix grunted. "Nothing. How can I? My daughter would've been born by now and Marzia's sick… 'Sides. Her funerals soon. Marzia told me earlier they finally managed to get through the fight with the hospital and have had it arranged."

Chewing the inside of his mouth, Ryan said, "You should go on holiday."

"What?"

Looking up, the brunet said, "Go to Sweden and see your parents. Just for your birthday weekend, you know? I think it would be good to get away, and Marzia will understand." Saluting a little bit Ryan said, "And I'll hold down the fort Cap'n'."

Laughing a little, Felix hugged him and kissed his forehead, saying, "This is why I love you."

And then they booked the holiday and he was gone, overseas, and Ryan felt so incredibly alone.

And with Marcus creeping around he felt unsafe.

Eventually, less than twenty-four hours after Felix had left the house with his suitcases of heartbreak and 'I miss yous', Ryan finally snapped at Marcus after he caught the other in the knife drawer hiding some of the knives in the pocket of his jacket. If things couldn't get more suspicious, it was three in the morning, and the other had changed out of his pj's and into fresh clothes to do this.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ryan screamed at him and the other whirled around in surprise.

"Ryan-"

Rage!Cry took over as the gamer shouted, "No. Don't you 'Ryan' me. I'm not taking any of that bullshit. You're up to something, and if you want to continue being a guest in this house you have to stop it! Right… now!"

Slowly, the Italian man closed the drawer and stalled, "What do you mean I'm up to something?"

Watching him closely, he snapped, "Are you kidding me? You're kidding me, right? You're fucking going through my knife drawer and hiding them throughout my God damn house! You're buying rat poisoning, you're fiddling with smoke alarms, you've leaving doors and windows unlocked- you think I haven't noticed?" he screamed, "Have you lost your mind? You know the danger all four of us are in?"

Quickly, Marcus corrected, "The danger you're in. The danger you've put us all in. Me, Marzia, Felix, the boys!" As soon as Marcus said those names, Ryan felt himself feel sick and shielded his belly as Marcus slipped into the corridor and headed toward the door. "Go back to bed," he told the brunet.

"Oh yeah?" the other asked. Ryan was good at winning arguments. "Why should I? Where are you sneaking out to?" When Marcus didn't reply, just moved to open the door, Ryan moved over to slam the door shut again. "Marcus you-"

His sentence was cut short when he felt the cool of a blade at his throat and immediately he put his hands up and backed away very slowly. Marcus followed him, holding a simple kitchen knife in his hands, pointing the tip of the blade against Ryan's throat with a sinister smile on his face.

"Wanna keep asking questions?" he asked, forcing Ryan back into the kitchen and against the counter. "Huh? Do you?"

"Let's talk about this rationally," Ryan said, then trailed off, not really knowing what else to say, too busy trying to fumble through the drawers for some pepper spray. He hoped those security cameras were running and that someone was watching them.

The knife pressed a little harder. "What? Run out of balls? You possessed bitch!"

Recoiling at the words from his once-friends mouth, Ryan became frozen in fear when a knee wedged between his thighs like he'd given consent for it to be there and the blade of the knife pressed down on his skin, Marcus leaning closer over him like he was some doxy.

He hissed. "Not so brave now, huh? Felix isn't here to save you, and Marzia can't walk, no thanks to you. No-one here to help you now, so I suggest you do as you're told and make your way up to your room, because there are worse things I can do to you then kill you right now…"

Ryan didn't miss the innuendo buried in the threat, and leaned back to glare at Marcus in fear, nodding obediently as the other backed away from him with a sneer.

"Disgusting," he said, shuddered, wiping himself off as if Ryan had germs. "Felix I can tolerate, you on the other hand. You should just be thankful you're pregnant or-" The Italian cut himself off with a scream of pain as Ryan quickly drew the can of pepper spray he'd sneakily been able to capture and ran past him and up the stairs. "You little bitch!" he cursed, but didn't chase, and instead stormed out the front of the house.

Locking himself in the toilet, Ryan stayed there panicking for the longest time.

Eventually, he dragged himself out to get the gun, wake and ready the dogs, and went through the cameras to grab clips of the incident and save them. Marcus may be losing his mind over Marzia, but Ryan didn't care.

As soon as the other let himself back in the house he was greeted by a barrel.

"Ryan-"

His aim perfect, the brunet said, "Drop your keys on the floor. Directly in front of you." When Marcus went to argue he made the gun click threateningly and watched the Italian pale. "Now," he said, darkly.

The Europeans always thought American's were dangerous with their right to bear arms and shoot guns, so it came as no surprise to Ryan when Marcus fished his keys out of his pocket and dropped them onto the floor.

"Kick them over to me," he said, "and _don't _try anything." The silver keys slid over and he trapped them under his boot. "Now," he said, aiming the gun at Marcus' head as he moved a little closer. "What are you up to?"

"Its personal business," Marcus said. "Personal. I have problems. I need stuff. Marzia doesn't have to know," he moved forward towards Ryan, but backed up when the other aimed to fire. "I'm sorry," he said, "about the way I acted this morning, I'm just worried, that's all. Do you have any idea what it's like to have a miscarriage lingering there?"

Ryan just said, "Felix isn't like you."

"Felix has you now. My Marzia's not strong like you are," he said, slowly, then drew a knife out of his pocket. The barrel shuddered in warning, but Marcus just dropped his knives on the floor and kicked them behind Ryan. "I… I get depressed, that's why I steal the knives. That's why I get the poison. I never do anything with them but it makes me feel better…"

"What about the windows? And doors?" Ryan insisted.

Shrugging, Marcus said, "I'm paranoid something's going to be locked in here with us and kill us… And with the alarm. And I like the check the alarm to make sure it's working. You have me all wrong, Ryan. I suffer from High Anxiety, that's it, I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble, truly, I am…"

And Ryan almost believed him. _Almost. _Cause it would make things perfect again. Innocent again. It would make him feel safe again, if that were the case. It could make so much stuff better if Marcus wasn't a psycho. Things could be back to Ryan's dreams. His dreams of the big garden with the children playing together happily.

But then he remembered the feeling of a cool knife against his throat.

"Get the fuck out of my house," he said.

Marcus looked surprised. "What?"

He focused the gun again from where he'd lowered it a little in hope. "You heard me. Get out. And get far away. If I see you, I'm going to blow your head off." Marcus slowly backed towards the door, opened it, and left, green eyes not leaving him once.

Ryan moved over to the kitchen windows to watch Marcus vanish and didn't move until he heard Marzia calling for help upstairs.

Rushing up, with the gun still, he entered the room with a casual 'Yeah?' and Marzia screamed bloody murder at him. He quickly straightened everything out and helped her into her chair and down the stairs, where he gave her a cup of tea and some breakfast, and watched her take the facts in slowly.

"Marcus… attacked you?" she whispered.

Nodding, he said, "Yeah, I have footage of it."

She sipped her tea and asked, "Have you called Felix?"

He shook his head. "No. N-No… I don't want to ruin his birthday…" he admitted. "Does Marcus really have High Anxiety?" he asked, beginning to feel bad.

A little reluctantly, Marzia shook her head. "As far as I'm aware… no, he's making that up…" When she saw the look on Ryan's face she said, "You did the right thing. And after you've explained everything to me I understand you don't want him here. I'll text him and he can rent a place or something to stay. I don't want him near me at the moment either…"

"Glad I'm not just being an arse," he said, sipping at his tea, before he admitted, "I miss Felix…"

Marzia smiled and said, "Calling won't hurt, will it?"

Sighing, Ryan smiled at her and grabbed his mobile, indicating he'd be back in a few seconds. He didn't want to tell Felix about Marcas, but he knew he should. So, dialing his fiancé's mobile number, he waited for the other to pick up with knots and nausea in his stomach, craving Nutella.

"Hey," Felix said in a cheerful tone, "Calling 'cause you miss me?"

"Very much so," Rhan said.

Immediately, Felix's voice became like ice. "What? What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Marzia's fine," Ryan quickly assured. "Me… not so much…"

Quickly, the Swede asked, "What? Babe, what's up?"

Sighing and running his fingers through his hair in frustration he said, "Marcus has lost his mind! I caught him grabbing knives against last night and when I cornered him about it he… he attacked me!" He heard a strange noise on the other end of the line so continued, "Cornered me with a knife against my throat, but I pepper sprayed him and rushed upstairs. He went out for a few hours, and when he came back, I threatened to shoot him, so he ditched his keys and ran."

"You're okay though?" Felix checked.

Nodding, then remembering Felix couldn't see him being on the phone and all, he said, "Yeah. A little scared and flipping my shit, but physically I'm just fine. And Marzia said it's okay to keep him away from the house for a bit, I think she's scared too."

"How is she?" the Swede asked curiously.

"Fine," Ryan said, shrugging. "Seemed better this morning."

Humming, "Good," Felix then asked, "And my boys?"

Holding his round abdomen, Ryan chuckled, "Their fine too."

Smirking with amusement, Ryan could hear it in his voice, Felix teased, "You're on of my boys too Ryan."

"Shut up!" Ryan said, laughing a little. Becoming more serious he said, "But don't worry about us, just wanted to inform you. Enjoy your holiday, love you."

"I love you too."

End call.


End file.
